


My Dear Sister

by cremedelanyanya



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F, Incest, Kanan and Riko are a little yandere too, Sibling Incest, Suicide, Unhealthy Relationships, Yandere, Yandere Dia, chikayou, dont click if you’re uncomfortable with incest, kanamari, mind the fucking tags, rubymaru, yohariko
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2020-03-09 06:03:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 20,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18911041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cremedelanyanya/pseuds/cremedelanyanya
Summary: Dia loves Ruby more than anything in the world.





	1. Dia

The first time I ever smiled was when my little sister was born. 

According to my parents, I never really played with my toys or giggled at cartoons the way young toddlers are supposed to. I would sit with a blank stare and watch the world go by. My parents thought maybe it would help me to have a companion. So, Ruby was born. I was three years old. 

I don’t have many memories of being an only child, but I do clearly remember when I first saw Ruby. It was like a light being turned on for the first time, a light I didn’t even know was there. Her vibrant blue eyes were the most beautiful color I’d ever seen. I didn’t know such beauty could exist. 

As Ruby and I grew up together, I loved her more and more with every passing day. I loved everything about her. I loved her ruby red pigtails, which I would sometimes do for her. Her soft timid voice and clumsy nature made it easy for me to take care of her. I still do today. 

The last few years have been hard. I haven’t been able to see Ruby very much at all. We haven’t gone to the same school in a couple years. In addition, a couple classmates of mine always want to get together, and my parents practically force me to because they want me to have “friends.” 

But we’re not friends. It’s the two of them and me.

I met Kanan in kindergarten. She was made fun of due to her tomboyish nature, so she stuck with the other kid who no one wanted to play with: me. We got along okay. But then the pretty, blonde, rich Mari moved to town in first grade, and Kanan was entranced. She befriended Mari, and they were both nice to me and acted like we were some little trio, but I knew the truth. It was the two of them and me. It always has been, and it always will be.

But it doesn’t matter now, because Ruby and I will be at the same school this year. I don’t need anyone else as long as Ruby is with me. 

I’ve been getting into knife throwing recently. You’d think that would be an odd hobby, especially for a high school girl and the student council president. But for someone who’s little sister will soon be in high school, it’s not abnormal at all. 

Ruby is not exactly a stick figure like she used to me. She’s still petite, but her hips and breasts are becoming more noticeable. Some of the girls at that school can be dangerous, too. It’s always important to keep your guard up. 

I throw my knife. It misses the target by an inch. 

~~

Ruby came home from school looking sullen today. That is unacceptable. I thought I had made it perfectly clear that no one messes with the student council president’s little sister. I wonder who I will have to lecture tomorrow.

“Ruby? What’s wrong?” I ask her. We’re having dinner, and she’s barely touched her food.

Ruby just shrugs, pushing rice around her plate.

“Did something happen today at school?”

Ruby speaks, but I can barely hear her. “Well, not just today…”

She’s being bullied. I made the anti bullying policy very clear at the beginning of the year, and people still disobey it. I put my fork down, a little too loudly. She looks up, frightened.

“What’s going on?” I ask, trying to keep my voice level. 

“It’s really not that big of a deal,” Ruby says, her voice trembling. “I made a new friend named Yoshiko this year-”

“I know who Yoshiko is,” I tell her. 

“I kinda feel like her and Hanamaru like each other more than me. I feel...left out when I hang out with them. And then today I heard them say they were going to the museum together. And they didn’t even invite me!”

Heartbreaking. Ruby and Hanamaru were always the perfect little duo. They’ve been best friends since first grade. Nothing lasts forever, though. 

“You don’t need them,” I tell her. “If they’re going to treat you like it’s the two of them and you, you don’t need to put up with that.”

“The two of them and me?” Ruby stares into the distance, her eyes filling with tears. 

“You don’t deserve that.” I reach across the table and take her hand in mine. “You deserve to be someone’s very special person. And you are.”

“I am?” Ruby looks at me with her beautiful blue eyes.

“You’re my special person.” I squeeze her hand tightly. 

“Dia…” Tears stream down Ruby’s face. 

“And anytime you feel down on yourself, just say, ‘I am Dia’s special person.’ Okay?”

“Okay.” Ruby sniffles.

As long as Ruby has her big sister, she doesn’t need anyone else. She’s mine. 

Just the way it should be.


	2. Ruby

“Anytime you feel down on yourself, just say ‘I am Dia’s special person,’ okay?”

This is a fairly small school, but when I’m in the hallway all by myself it feels so big. It’s the worst at the end of the day. I’m looking for Dia, but only see strangers.

I feel myself curling up as I walk slower. People always tell me I move like a small animal, especially Dia. I don’t know what I would have done without Dia taking care of me all these years. Even if she’s a little overprotective, I appreciate her love. 

And I’m her special person.

“BOO!”

I shriek and turn around to see who tapped me on the shoulder. It’s my friend, Hanamaru. Well, I don’t know if we’re really friends anymore.

“Hahaha! Caught ya, zura!” She pokes me again. “Where were you during lunch? Yoshiko and I missed ya!”

“You and Yoshiko.” It comes out of my mouth before I think about it.

“Yeah, we were waiting in the library, zura!” 

My chest hurts. The thought of them alone together makes me sick for some reason. 

I am Dia’s special person.

Hanamaru’s smile begins to fade. “Is something wrong?”

“Ah, there you are, Ruby.” I feel Dia’s hand on my shoulder.

“Hi, Dia!” Hanamaru looks up at my sister. 

Dia completely ignores her. “Are you ready to go?” she asks me. 

“Aw! I kinda wanted to hang out a little, zura,” Hanamaru says to me, sticking her lower lip out. 

“You can hang out with Yoshiko,” I tell her. I look up at Dia. “I’m ready to go.”

Dia and I walk away hand in hand. I don’t bother to look back at Hanamaru. 

Dia looks off into the distance. “Oh my God…”

I look with her. Her friends, Kanan and Mari, are hanging out by the bike racks. 

“Looks like we have to walk a different way. Come on, Ruby.” Dia yanks on my arm and tries to pull me the other direction.

“Wait!” I shriek. 

She stops and looks at me. 

“Why don’t you want to say hi to your friends?” I ask her.

She rolls her eyes. “I just don’t, okay? Now let’s move along.” 

I hear Dia’s name being sung from all the way across the parking lot. Dia’s friends are running towards us. 

Dia’s shoulders drop. “Great.” 

Kanan, a tall, muscular girl with dark hair, puts her arms out towards Dia. “Hug?”

Reluctantly, Dia pats Kanan on the back and lets herself be embraced.

Mari, a very pretty girl with long blonde hair, approaches me. I feel my face heat up. 

“Is that you, Ruby? Goodness! You look so grown up in your schoolgirl uniform!” Mari looks me up and down.

“Leave her alone,” Dia says through gritted teeth.

“Sorry sorry! I’m just saying hi…” Mari winks at me and pinches one of my pigtails. I’m a blushing mess. 

Then she’s laying on the ground. And Dia has shoved me behind her. 

“Dia! What the hell?” Kanan yells, running over to Mari. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine!” Mari sings, sitting up. Her eyes widen at Dia’s face.

“Never ever touch my sister again,” Dia spits.

Mari nods. She and Kanan just stare at Dia like they’ve seen a ghost. 

“Okay, we’re gonna go,” Mari says, bouncing up off the ground and running off. Kanan stays, looking firmly at Dia.

“She didn’t do anything wrong,” Kanan says. 

“I...I wasn’t…” Dia struggles to speak.

“We’re your friends, Dia. We would never hurt Ruby.”

“I wasn’t thinking, I-”

Kanan turns and walks away, following Mari.

“No,” Dia says, watching them. “You’re not my friends.”


	3. Hanamaru

When I was little, books were my friends. When everyone else was on the playground, I was in the library. Just me and my books.

But then one recess, Ruby came in and checked out a magazine with school idols. She sat at my table with me and read with me. She didn’t say anything, and didn’t expect me to say anything either. We were just there together, doing our own thing.

I was the one who made the first move. I gave her a piece of my steamed bun at lunch. She noticed that I gave her the bigger half. I realized just how cute she was. I stopped looking at my books during recess, and started looking at her instead. Her ruby red hair, her topaz blue eyes, the way she stuck out her tongue when she focused on reading, everything about her was simply wonderful. 

We were the best of friends, and we still are today. But part of me wants...more. I want to be close to Ruby in the way that Yoshiko and her girlfriend, Riko, are close. Would you call that love? I would.

She’s been avoiding me. I don’t know what I did wrong, but I feel like Yoshiko and me going to the minimalism exhibit this weekend may be a part of it. She did say, “You can hang out with Yoshiko.” Maybe she feels excluded. 

“Yoshiko, you know the exhibit this weekend, zura?” I say on the phone.

“Yeah? Oh shit. Sorry, dropped my vial.”

I giggle. “Can we invite Ruby too?”

“I mean, we can, but is Ruby into that kind of thing? I thought of it being just us because we’re both into that artsy stuff. God, what is wrong with this thing?”

“I feel like she could be. Why, do you not want her there, zura?” 

“No, I do! I just wouldn’t want her to be bored, that’s all. Am I even reading this correctly? Cuz it says-” Yoshiko begins mumbling to herself. 

“I think that Ruby might be feeling excluded, zura.”

“Where the fuck am I gonna get crow’s blood?”

“Can y’all listen to me for a goddamn minute, zura??” I yell.

I hear a bunch of crashing noises. Then she says, “I’m listening.”

“You know how Ruby wasn’t with us at lunch today?”

“Yeah, maybe she was busy.”

“I went up to her after school and she seemed mad at me.”

“Maybe she had a bad day. Ruby wouldn’t be mad at us.”

“But what if she is? What if we hurt her feelings, zura?”

“What could we have done to hurt her feelings?”

“Oh, I dunno, zura, maybe talked about the exhibit in front of her and not invited her?”

“I just thought she might not have wanted to go cuz it’s about boring art stuff.”

“Can I just ask her, zura?”

“I mean, sure, go ahead. She’ll probably say no.”

I hang up. Yoshiko’s dismissiveness is pissing me off. 

I text Ruby, “Hey, Yoshiko and I are going to an art exhibit this weekend, you wanna come with us? It’s gonna be a lot of fun!”

I really hope she says yes. I’d love to see her. 

I hope one day I can tell her my feelings. But for now, I’m glad no one knows.


	4. Yoshiko

I know. Hanamaru likes Ruby, it’s so obvious. The way she’s always blushing around her, even the way she touches her. She always puts her hand on Ruby’s shoulder in the most gentle way, as if Ruby could break if you were too rough with her. In a way, that’s kind of true. Gentle Hanamaru and fragile Ruby, they’re perfect for each other. I find myself smiling.

“What are you thinking about?” asks Riko. We’re having dinner.

“You,” I lie, putting on my most charming smile. 

She’s moody again tonight. I’ve tried everything. This is her favorite restaurant, so I took her here. I even made sure we sat in her favorite spot by the window, where we could look at the ocean.

Riko looks away, her eyebrows furrowed. A couple strands of crimson hair fall in her face. I reach across the table and tuck them behind her ear. She sticks out her bottom lip, but doesn’t push me away. 

“Did you have a bad practice session last night?” I ask.

“No,” she says. Nothing more.

“Tell me what’s bothering you.” I hold her hand on top of the table.

She sighs. “Why were you on the phone with Hanamaru right before our date?”

Ah, well this is an interesting twist. I lean forward towards her.

“Oh, so my Riri’s jealous?”

“No!” Riko yells, a little too loudly, making people turn their heads. She looks down. “I just want to know what you were talking about...were you talking about me?”

“We were talking about the exhibit this weekend-“

Riko interrupts me. “Wait, you’re going with her?”

“You said you didn’t want to go!” 

“That doesn’t mean you can-“

“I’m not going to go by myself! That’s boring! And Ruby’s coming too anyways, it won’t be just us.” Even though Ruby probably won’t come, I have to say something to make Riko calm down. 

“So it will be the three of you?” She asks.

“Yeah.” I look away from her. 

In the awkward silence, the waiter brings our food. I expected Riko to not touch it, but she immediately begins to wolf it down. Stress eating. 

“I’m sorry,” I tell her. I really have nothing to be sorry for, but I know she wants to hear it.

She chews for a long time, then swallows. “You don’t have to be sorry. I overreacted.”

“Since when are you jealous of Zuramaru?” I ignore her indignant face and continue. “You’ve met her and Ruby, you know how much they like each other right? Don’t tell me you don’t see it as well?”

Riko ponders. “I’ve never really thought about it. I have only hung out with them like twice.”

I think for a minute, then take Riko’s hand across the table again. She blushes and looks up at me.

“Hey. How would you like to be a wingman with me?” I ask.

“Wingman?” Riko tilts her head to the side.

“Help me get Zuramaru and Ruby together. Then we can go on double dates, and you don’t have to be jealous anymore.” Both Hanamaru and Ruby are too shy to make the first move. They’re going to need a little help from an experienced couple like Riko and me.

“Sure.” Riko smiles. “Let’s make uh...Rubymaru? Let’s make Rubymaru canon!”

“The fuck did you just say?” I ask. 

Riko goes beet red in the face. “Sorry...never mind...it’s…”

“Is that a doujin thing?” I grin, staring into her soul. She hides her face in her hands


	5. Kanan

-11 years ago-

“Mommy, what does ‘kill’ mean?”

Mom had been chopping carrots, but she stopped moving completely. “Where did you hear that, Kanan?”

“Well, our homework was to write words with the letter K, and I looked over at Dia’s journal and saw the word.”

“Hmm…” Mom continued with the carrots, a little more slowly. 

“What does it mean?” I ask her again.

“Well, you know how one day we all die?”

“Yeah.” I get a funny feeling in my tummy. 

“Well…” She whispers something to herself that I can’t hear. “To ‘kill’ someone means...to make them die.”

Make them die? Who would do such a horrible thing?

Dia said the word out loud once. When one of our classmates pushed me off the playground, she shoved him into the sandbox and said, “I’ll kill you, Yusuke!” She got in really big trouble by the teacher. 

I’m sure Dia didn’t really mean what she said. I know her. 

-8 years ago-

“Okay, now let’s get ready for FLASH-”

Giggles erupt throughout the classroom. I see Mari stifle a giggle behind her hand. Dia is expressionless, as mature as ever. Not even this can crack her. 

I watch her take neat cursive notes on this with a serious expression. Then, I write “penis” in my notebook, keeping my face as straight as possible. It doesn’t work.

“Whatcha writing there, Kanan?” Mari whispers, grinning at me.

I violently erase the writing so that the paper rips. We both giggle like crazy, and Dia glares at us for disrupting FLASH. 

The boy sitting next to Dia points at the two of us and says loudly, “You guys are lesbians.”

Dia’s eyes widen. She looks at him incredulously. 

“What’s a lesbian?” I ask.

“Ooh! I know what a lesbian is!” the girl at the next table says. “My dad saw one once. They’re really tough women who ride motorcycles!” 

“I want to be a lesbian when I grow up,” says the girl next to her.

“But lesbians are bad, you guys,” the boy at our table says.

“AHEM.” It’s the teacher. We’re silent. Then the boy raises his hand. 

“Yes, Yusuke?” she says, trying not to roll her eyes.

“Tell us what a lesbian is.” He smirks at me and Mari. I feel embarrassed, but I don’t know why. 

The teacher looks uncomfortable. “Well...sometimes...girls get crushes on other girls...and boys get crushes on other boys...but we don’t talk about that in this class!” She says the last part very quickly. 

Girls...can have crushes on other girls?

Our girl classmates always talk about the crushes they have on boys, and how they want to hold a boy’s hand, and how boys make them blush. I don’t understand, because I never felt that way about a boy.

Then I think about how I feel when I hold Mari’s hand. It feels different than when I hold Dia’s, or my mom’s. It makes me feel fuzzy and warm inside. Even thinking about it makes my cheeks feel warm. Is that blushing?

Am I a lesbian?

“Hey, Kanan.” Mari pokes my side. I turn to look at her. Her green eyes, her small dimples, her wavy hair…

“Class has been dismissed and you weren’t paying attention,” Dia says. “I need to go pick up Ruby.”

“Are you lesbians gonna go out on a date?” The boy at our table sneers at us. “Are you gonna kiss?” 

“The only kiss you’ll ever get is from your mother,” says Dia. 

The boy feigns being offended, then says, “Well, the only kiss you’ll ever get is from your little sister. You’re probably okay with that, though.”

“Shut up, Yusuke,“ Mari retorts. I notice Dia’s ears turning red.

“What’s her name, Ruby?” He goes on, grinning. Dia’s making fists so tight her knuckles are white. “I say she’s pretty cute.”

“What the hell? She’s in third grade!” Just before I can finish my sentence, Dia pounces. She slams our classmate’s head against his desk and pins him down. The teacher runs over.

“Never talk about my sister like that again,” Dia hisses. “And leave my friends alone.”

-Present day-

“Are you okay?” I ask Mari, putting a bandaid on her elbow. She scraped it when Dia pushed her to the ground. 

“Yeah, it doesn’t hurt that much.” Mari smiles at me. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

I don’t know what to say, so I change the subject. “I’m so sorry. I never thought Dia would do something like this.”

Mari laughs. “Remember Yusuke from elementary school? That perv who called us lesbians during flash?” 

“Yes. I do.” 

Mari doesn’t seem too upset by the memory, just entertained. “Dia gave him a whooping when he said something about Ruby.”

“Yeah, but you’re her friend. She knows you don’t have harmful intentions. She would never...turn against her friends…” Would she?

“I dunno, maybe she had a bad day. She is student council president after all, maybe she’s stressed.” Mari shrugs.

“That doesn’t give her the right to-“

“Kaaaaanaaaaan,” Mari sings. “You’re making this way bigger of a deal than it needs to be. I did something to make her uncomfortable just like Yusuke did. Simple as that.”

I don’t like that. I don’t want Dia to hurt Mari. They’re both my best friends


	6. Dia

Ruby doesn’t trust her friends. The girl who’s taken her away from me her whole life is out of the way. Ruby has no one, except for me.

Ruby clings to me all Thursday and Friday, following me around like a puppy. Her emotional fragility and insecurity is making her terrified to let go of the one person who is there for her.

And I love it. 

Yet this weekend is the one my parents decide to come home for once instead of going on an unnecessary business trip. 

Ruby and I were sitting on the couch together, but are separated the instant the key turns the doorknob. My mother and father enter the house, ripping my sister from me. 

“Mommy! Daddy! You’re home!” Ruby squeals, throwing her arms around both of them in a group hug. 

I hate her naivety. What have mother and father ever done for us besides leave us behind for their businesses? What have they done to deserve Ruby’s affection?

I perform a warm smile. “Welcome home,   
mother. Welcome home, father.”

The three come over and sit on the couch with me. Ruby sits in mother’s lap. I feel I’ve been stabbed. 

Mother resembles me, with her straight dark hair and almond shaped eyes. She taught me how to study, how to sit up straight, and how to present myself with elegance. I learned everything Ruby couldn’t.

Father, on the other hand, resembles Ruby with his red hair and shy disposition. He taught her how to be kind and compassionate, how to know other people’s feelings and empathize, and how to be a good listener. They share a bond in that way.

Mother twirls Ruby’s pigtails. Mother and I look exactly alike, why can’t Ruby just sit with me? I would play with her hair better than mother would.

“Have you guys had dinner yet?” Father asks.

I say yes and Ruby says no at the exact same time. 

“Can you make curry, Mommy? Can you?” Ruby pleads. 

“Ugh, I’m a little too tired to make curry,” she says.

“I will,” I say out of nowhere. My curry isn’t nearly as good as Mom’s, but at least I’m doing something for Ruby.

“Oh no no no Dia, you don’t have to make dinner for us!” Father pleads. “How about we just get takeout tonight?”

Mother crinkles her nose. Ruby jumps up and down. “Can I get French fries?!” She is so easy to please. 

“Dia, do you want to split some fries with Ruby?” Father asks me. 

“Sure.”

Father is the only one that likes the burger place down the street. He orders the same dry burger every time. Ruby will only eat the French fries, but she still likes them. I can feel grease lingering on my fingers after I eat just one. Mother doesn’t get anything at all.

“So how’s school going, you guys?” Father ask.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, honey,” Mother scolds him.

“Good,” Ruby says. 

“What about you, Dia? How are your studies?” Mother asks me.

“I’m doing well,” I tell her. 

Ruby doesn’t say anything else about school. She doesn’t mention Hanamaru or Yoshiko. That’s our little secret, after all. No matter how much mother and father want to take Ruby away or separate us for the weekend, she’s mine. But I feel like she doesn’t know that. 

I place my hand on her thigh. She stiffens, but doesn’t say anything. Father is distracted by his hamburger, and Mother watches him wolf it down disapprovingly.

Watching my parents carefully, I slide my hand up Ruby’s thigh. I hit the hem of her skirt. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her curl into herself. She squeezes her legs together, trapping my fingers. But she still doesn’t say anything. 

Very slowly, I inch my fingers up her skirt.

She stands up abruptly. “I need to use the restroom!” She squeals, scampering away.


	7. Ruby

When I was little, I had a yellow bird named Kayo-chin. I loved her more than anything in the whole wide world. 

Then one day, I accidentally left the window open, and she flew away. I cried myself to sleep that night. Dia slept with me, but it didn’t help. 

Then, a couple days later, she was back in her cage. Dia had apparently found her right by our house. Something was a little off, though. There were scars on her body, and it looked like something was missing.

Dia had said something like, “Now she’ll never fly away again. Aren’t you happy about that?”

Then I noticed. Her wings were gone. 

When mom and dad asked, Dia said she found the bird like that. They assumed she’d been attacked. But what Dia said to me that day gave me a funny feeling in my tummy. It always has, to this day. 

But I don’t know why. My sister wouldn’t hurt a fly, let alone rip the wings off my birdie! Why do I still suspect her to this day?

This is what I think about every time Dia does something slightly odd. Like, for example, put her hand under my skirt at the dinner table. I cross my legs, trying to get rid of that creepy feeling. 

Dia and I have always hugged each other, so maybe it’s normal for my big sister to touch me like that. Maybe I hurt her feelings when I ran off like that.

I love Dia dearly. I shouldn’t be feeling this way about her. I trust her not to hurt anyone, especially not me.

~~

I’m alone at lunch once again. Dia can’t be here, because we have a different lunch period, but I don’t know if I want her here.

Dia has been smothering me, and it’s been a little much for me. I don’t tell her, because I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I kind of wish I could have some time to myself besides the bathroom. And ever since she did that weird thing at dinner, I just want a little bit of distance.

If only I had someone to talk to about this. I can’t tell Dia I need space, because then she’ll get mad at me. I can’t tell mom and dad either, because then they’ll tell Dia and she’ll get mad at me.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve never felt so alone.

“Ruby?” 

I look up. Hanamaru’s standing in front of me. Yoshiko isn’t with her. 

But it doesn’t matter, Dia says. It’s the two of them and me, Dia says, and I shouldn’t have to put up with that.

Do I really believe that?

I feel my lips begin to shake. I don’t know what to do, what to think.

Hanamaru sits down next to me and puts her arm around my shoulder. “There there, zura,” she says.

I can’t take it anymore. Tears stream down my cheeks.

“Waaaaaaah I’m so sorry!” I blubber, covering my face. 

Hanamaru just wraps both of her arms around me and rocks me back and forth. 

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but just know that I’m here for you.”

“Really?” I ask, looking up at her. 

She nods, giving me a small smile. 

“Where’s Yoshiko?” I ask.

“She’s peeing, zura.” 

I don’t tell Hanamaru this, and I feel bad for even thinking about it, but I’m so glad it’s just the two of us.


	8. Kanan

I have to get Dia to reconcile with Mari somehow. She’s avoiding us, and it’s making me sad. We’ve always been a trio, me, Dia and Mari, ever since first grade. I don’t ever want that to end. 

It’s lunch, and after fifteen minutes of searching, I find Dia in the corner of the courtyard with her nose in a book. 

She doesn’t see me approach her, not even when I’m right in front of her, saying her name.

“I’m reading,” she says without looking up.

“Whatcha reading?” I ask.

“A book,” she says.

“May I cut in?”

“Shouldn’t you be on a date with Mari?” she asks, edge in her voice.

Where...did that come from? I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond to that. I say the first thing that comes into my head.

“I kind of wanted to talk to you alone.”

She looks up at me for the first time. I can’t read her face, but making eye contact with me is a start.

I sit down next to her. She looks back at the book.

“I know what you’re going to say,” she says. “You’re going to tell me to apologize to Mari for pushing her last week. And I will. As soon as she apologizes to me for molesting my sister.”

“Can you put the book down and look at me, please?” I try very hard to keep my voice level.

“Nope. BZZT. Go away.”

I place my finger on the top of the book and slowly push it down. She let’s go of it, letting it fall into her lap. She still doesn’t look at me. I decide to talk anyway.

“One of my favorite things about you is how protective you are. Mari and I can feel safe with you, and I know for a fact Ruby does too.”

Dia peeks at me out of the corner of her eye. That’s a good sign.

“I also know that ever since we were little, you would get violent and aggressive with anyone who hurt Ruby. And...sometimes that’s a good thing, if a dangerous person were attacking Ruby. But it’s another thing if it’s your best friend.

“Mari knows just as much as I do how much you love your sister. But she’s also impulsive, and touchy feely, and doesn’t always understand boundaries in the moment. And right now, she hates herself for it.”

“Then why doesn’t she come apologize to me herself?”

“Well, she’s been trying.” 

Dia ignores me, the same way she’s been ignoring Mari despite every attempt from the latter to apologize. No matter how many times Mari runs up to Dia during lunch and passing period, she’s always met with the same turned head.

“You really don’t hear ‘Dia Diaaaa!’ like five times a day echoing down the hall?” I ask.

Dia smirks. There it is. That rare smile that I feel she saves for her sister and rarely Mari and me. 

“You’ve always been so good at impressions, Kanan,” Dia says, looking at me with an ever so slightly lopsided grin. My heart flutters, my chest warming up. I smile back.

“H-hey besties…”

Then it disappears. Just like that. 

Mari stands in front of us, grimacing. To my shock, Dia stands up to face her. 

“Mari, I believe I owe you an apology,” she says.

Mari stares wide-eyed at Dia, gripping the strap of her bag.

“I’m sorry for pushing you last week. Our friendship means everything to me, and I don’t want to hurt you. Please forgive me.” 

Mari smiles warmly and throws her arms around Dia. Dia stiffens. No matter how many times I tell Mari we have to ask before giving Dia hugs, she always forgets. After ten years even. 

“What do you say we all go to Patty’s? Dia and I can share a grape soda!” She winks at Dia.

“That sounds good to me!” I say, looking at Dia.

“Sure,” Dia says, giving us a small smile.

I stand up, and Mari puts one arm around each of us as we walk to our lunch spot.

Mari and Dia are so different. But they’re both my friends, and I love them so much. It means everything to me that we’re all together again.

Maris blabbing about something that happened last week to Dia. I’m barely listening. 

Then Mari suddenly stops in her tracks and looks at me. “We should make a FRIENDSHIP SCRAPBOOK!”

“A what?” I ask.

“We’ve taken so many good selfies! We should put them all in a book to remember them and celebrate our friendship! What do you think Di-hey, where’d Dia go?”

How did she lose track of Dia? She was practically hanging on her.

I look around. “Let’s split up and look for her. Maybe she went ahead to the restaurant. You look there, I’ll go back.”

“Okay!” Mari runs ahead. 

I turn around and jog back along the sidewalk. I find Dia standing by a tree at the next street corner. Her head hangs down, and she has a hand over her face.

I approach her. “Dia?”

She abruptly turns her back to me. I walk closer and touch her shoulder. “Dia, why’d you run off?” 

I peek over her shoulder. She’s rubbing her eyes. Crying. 

“Dia, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, I-“ She sniffles, her voice breaking. “I’m just really fucking tired of being left behind and excluded all the time.”

Excluded? “Did I do something wrong?” I ask.

Dia sprints down the street without looking back.

God damn it.


	9. Ruby

I tried to find Dia after school to tell her I made up with Hanamaru and Yoshiko, but I couldn’t. So I assumed she went home already, and I walked home with Hanamaru, Yoshiko and Yoshiko’s girlfriend Riko instead. I’m having fun, but my chest hurts. Not being with Dia makes me feel...guilty. What if she was at school waiting for me and I left her there??

We reach my house before I know it. I give Hanamaru a hug goodbye. She has a scent I’ve only noticed now. Maybe it’s because I miss her, but I feel comforted by it. She smells like her house. I feel my heart flutter.

Hanamaru’s arms loosen around me, and I realize she’s probably waiting for me to let go. I quickly step away, embarrassed. 

“Hand hug?” Yoshiko asks, holding out her hand. I take it in mine, squeezing it. 

I wave goodbye to Riko. I don’t know her very well at all, but she makes Yoshiko happy, so that’s all that matters.

“Sis? You home?” I call, opening the front door. There’s no response. 

Then, I hear a bang coming from her room.

“Dia?!” I bolt up the stairs and throw open the door to her room. She was standing towards the wall with a knife in her hand, but when she saw me, the knife was thrown to the side.

“Ah! Ruby! How are you?” She sits down in her nearby recliner chair with her hands folded in her lap. All of her muscles are tense.

“I’m okay…” I tell her. I notice the walls of Dia’s room look barer than usual. She mostly hangs pictures of me and her on the walls, and there’s one poster of a school idol band we both like. 

There had also been pictures of her and her two friends on the walls. Those are missing.

“How are you?” I ask her.

“Doing well,” she says, grimacing at me. “How was your day at school?”

“It was good. I have good news!” I suddenly remember what I was going to tell her.

“Yeah?”

“I made up with Hanamaru and Yoshiko!” 

Dia’s face falls, and her mouth tightens into a line. I feel my heart fall.

“Dia, aren’t you happy for me?”

“What exactly did they say to you?” she asks, eyeing me suspiciously. 

I’m starting to question Hanamaru, even though I didn’t before. The way she comforted me when I was crying, there was nothing wrong with that, right? “She said she’s here for me. I was crying and she said she was here for me.”

“Let me tell you why that’s bullshit,” Dia says. I look up at her, a little indignant. “If you have to cry to get your friends to notice you, they’re not your friends. As long as you’re happy and do whatever they say, you are invisible to them.”

Invisible? 

“Remember what you said last week? That it was the two of them and you?”

I remember Dia saying that. “I’m pretty sure you said that, not me.”

“Nooo,” Dia says, like I got the wrong answer on a test. “Remember, you said ‘the two of them and me.’”

“Yeah, I guess I did,” I tell her, replaying my memory. I’d repeated after her, is that what she meant? 

“You don’t need fake friends who only go to you when you’re crying. When’s the last time Hanamaru spoke to you at all?”

I wrack my memory. “After lunch that one day.”

“Were you happy?”

“No, not really.” I’m starting to see what Dia means. 

“Do you see?” Dia asks.

I nod. 

“And you know who loves you no matter what? Whether you’re happy, sad, angry, whatever?”

“You?” I say, telling her what she wants to hear.

“Me.”

“But that doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with Hanamaru and Yoshiko.” After all, that’s what I wanted this whole time. I like spending time with them at lunch, I missed my friends.

Dia purses her lips. “So you want to have fake friends?”

I feel a pang in my chest. “That’s not what I said-”

“You like being treated like shit?”  
“They don’t treat me like shit.” My voice breaks, and tears fill my eyes. “Why do you want me to not have friends so bad?”

Dia huffs. “You were the one complaining about how they exclude you, and that they liked each other better than you-”

“Yeah, I felt that way before, but now it’s different!”

“How? Because Hanamaru gave you a huuuug?”

I think of how comforted I felt in Hanamaru’s arms, and shame rips through me. 

“You’re so easy to take advantage of. The world’s just going to walk all over you until you’re a battered doormat covered in filthy footprints and you won’t even care. You’ll just sit there and take it.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, tears streaking down my face. I look up at Dia through blurry eyes, and her eyes widen. 

“Come here, baby.” Dia holds her arms out, and my feet carry me to her. I sit in her lap, curled up. She holds me tight, running her fingers through my hair. I’m calm.

I peek over her shoulder and see her trash can bulging with pictures of her, Kanan and Mari. 

“Dia?”

“Yes?”

“What happened with Kanan and Mari today?”

She doesn’t answer me. I lift my head up off her shoulder. She’s looking off into the distance, her eyes blank. 

“Sis, you okay?” Oh no, I didn’t want to make her mad again!

“We don’t need to talk about our friends right now, okay?” she says, smiling at me and ruffling my hair. 

There’s the Dia I love.


	10. Riko

“Do you see?” asks Chika Takami, pointing aggressively at the laptop.

“I do,” says You Watanabe desperately. 

“I do,” I tell the rabid school idol fan.

Chika is my next door neighbor. When my house gets too desolate and lonely, as it often does, I go to her house. You is Chika’s star crossed lover, and I hardly see one without the other. I’m kind of like Yoshiko with Ruby and Hanamaru. 

“How’s Yoshiko?” You asks me. “You’re all she talks about, you know.”

“How do you know that?” When does You ever talk to Yoshiko?

“We ride the bus to school together, we live in the same neighborhood.”

“Oh! I didn’t know that…” Why didn’t I know that? I feel a twinge of guilt.

“WAIT WAIT!” Chika yells, jamming the space bar. The video pauses. Chika rewinds to a very specific frame of Honoka, the lead singer of the band, blowing a kiss at the audience, and practically melts into the bean bag.

You chuckles and glances at me. How does she not get jealous? 

“I wanna make out with her SOOOO BAD!” Chika yells, smushing her face into the bean bag. 

That was a little too far. I glance over at You. She just smiles. 

“Ahaha! As long as you let me have a turn!”

Both of their heads whip towards me. They’re expecting me to agree with them.

“Well, I already have a girlfriend, and I wouldn’t share her with anyone, sooo…”

You’s grin fades a little. 

“What if Yoshiko wasn’t in the picture?” Chika asks. 

I realize I’m being kind of a bummer, and say instead, “I prefer the red haired one. The pianist.”

“Oh, Maki?!” Chika’s face lights up once again. “I love her too!! She’s so serious, but loves the music too!”

“I like Kotori,” You says. “She’s so sweet and pure, I ship her and Honoka!”

“You can’t just ship real people, you guys,” I tell them.

“But they’re best friends!” Chika says. “Just like You and me!”

“Ah, self projection. I see.” I smirk.

“You’re no fun, Riko.” Chika pouts. 

“The real people I ship are me and Yoshiko,” I tell her. “And you and You.”

You laughs. “You and You.”

Chika smirks at me. “I’m sure if we were talking about your doujin it would be different.”

My face burns. “We’re not talking about that, though! We’re talking about real, living people!” 

“Kanan, Dia Kurosawa and Mari Ohara might as well all be together as a threesome because Kanan seems to care more about them than scheduling off-season practices!” You pouts.

I see You’s ears turning red, and know we’re about to have the same conversation we’ve had every day for the past two weeks. So I change the subject.

“There’s actually two first years that Yoshiko and I are trying to get together,” I tell them.

That piques their interest greatly. They scoot in closer to me.

“They’re both Yoshiko’s friends, their names are Hanamaru and Ruby-“

“Hanamaru Kunikida?!” Chika shouts.

“Ruby Kurosawa?” You asks.

“You guys know them?!” Maybe they can be wingmen with us.

“They were in our school idol club!!” Chika beams. “That’s how they met Yoshiko.”

Chika and You formed a school idol appreciation club at the beginning of the year. I didn’t join, because I didn’t have time with my piano stuff. About a month ago, the student council president decided to do a purge on after school clubs, cutting anything that wasn’t “educational,” including Chika and You’s club. 

The club was actually how Chika and You met Yoshiko too, and so they introduced her to me. So I have that club to thank for a lot.

“Ruby was also in sewing club with me, but Dia shut that down too,” You says.

“She shut down sewing club?!” I ask. 

“Sewing is way more useful than calligraphy, why didn’t she cut your guys’s club?” You pouts at Chika.

“Calligraphy is a dying art!” Chika kicks You in the leg. “Hanamaru was actually just here practicing with me, she’s in calligraphy club too!”

“Oh, she is?!” There’s so many things I don’t know about the people I hang out with.

“I’m pretty sure it’s because she doesn’t like me,” You says.

“Huh?”

“Dia Kurosawa does NOT like me. She used to give me like dirty looks in the hallway.” You looks off in the distance. “So she cut all the clubs I was in because she doesn’t want me to have any fun.”

“No, she also cut the doujinshi club I was planning on joining,” I point out. “You weren’t in that, were you?”

“No. Ruby was.”

“Ruby’s into that?” 

You giggles. “She wanted to make school idol doujinshi. I don’t think you’d be too fond of that.”

I cringe, imagining the girls on the screen getting ahold of comics about them. How would they react to that? 

You suddenly squeals. “Oh, I miss Ruby! She’s so cute and she was always so nice to me! I had like, such a friend crush on her, like I wanted to be her friend really bad! Is that a thing? Is a friend crush a thing?”

“No,” I say.

“Sure!” Chika says. “I think Ruby’s cute too! Sometimes I just wanted to squeeeeeeze her so tight until she popped!”

“You guys are creepy,” I tell them.

Ruby is Dia’s younger sister, but I could see Dia not prioritizing Ruby’s interests. She’s cold and distant, while Ruby is kind. I wonder how they get along. 

“What’s this?” Chika, who had been sprawled out across the floor, reaches under her bed. She pulls out a piece of paper. “Huh, how’d this get here?”

“What’s that?” I ask.

“Hanamaru left her homework here. Gosh, her handwritings so neat.”

“No, your handwriting’s just messy,” You tells her.

“So’s yours!!” Chika rolls up Hanamaru’s homework and hits You with it. 

“Hey! That’s Hanamaru’s! Don’t mess around with it!” I grab Chika’s wrist and stop her from repeatedly smacking You.

“I should probably return this to her tomorrow,” says Chika. “But what if I lose it? Here, You, you do it for me.” Chika thrusts the paper at You.

“What am I doing?” You asks.

“Return Hanamaru’s homework to her for me. I don’t trust myself with important documents.”

“Eh?! But I never see Hanamaru! Do it yourself.” You slaps the paper away.

“Give it to Yoshiko on the bus, she’ll give it to Hanamaru,” Chika says.

“How come you try so hard to avoid responsibility?” I ask her.

“This is not my responsibility! Hanamaru’s the one who left her homework here!”

A tinny school idol tune rings throughout the room, startling us. It’s You’s phone. Chika grabs it before You can do anything and answers it.

“Buddy the elf, what’s your favorite color?” Her mischievous grin fades immediately and she pouts. “Okay fine! Jeez.” She throws You’s phone into her lap. “It’s Kanan.”

“Kanan?” You picks up the phone. “What’s up?” Her eyebrows furrow. 

“What?”


	11. Dia

Because Ruby relentlessly insisted on spending time with Hanamaru and Yoshiko, I agreed on one condition. They would be at our house under my supervision. Ruby reluctantly agreed. It was the perfect plan.

But of course, Kanan and Mari had to interfere.

Ruby is with Hanamaru and Yoshiko in the living room, and Kanan, Mari and I are in the kitchen making dinner. Or rather, I am making dinner. Kanan and Mari are sitting on top of the kitchen counters chatting loudly so I can’t hear what Ruby and her “friends” are talking about.

“Mmmm! Smells delicious, Dia!” Mari sings.

“You said you would help,” I tell her.

“You told me you didn’t want Stewshine,” she says.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t help make spaghetti sauce!” 

“I think it’s for the best, really,” says Kanan. “Mari would just sneak spices in there anyway.”

“I would not!” Mari kicks Kanan in the leg.

“Well I at least expected you to help, Kanan.” I shake my head and stir the pot of sauce. 

“Oh! I remembered something I was supposed to tell you, Kanan. Dia, this concerns you too probably, I don’t know.” Mari scrolls through her phone, looking for something. “I got an email from someone saying some high school swim team’s pool was going under renovations, and they need a pool to practice with.”

Kanan tenses. She’s captain of the swim team, and she hasn’t necessarily been diligent with scheduling off-season practices for the team. 

And Mari is the chairwoman, despite being a student. Of course she gets important emails like this. Not me, though, I’m only the student council president. 

“Did you forget that swim team was a thing?” Mari teases Kanan.

“No!” Kanan yells. “Fuckin Chika and You won’t let me forget it’s a thing! But…”

“But what?” I ask. “You’re not exactly academically motivated, what’s keeping you from doing your duties as team captain?” 

Kanan flinches. “There’s just...things.”

Mari interrupts. “The high school swim team in question wants to reserve our pool for their practices. And they’re offering us a lot of money. So if you guys aren’t gonna use the pool…”

“We’re gonna use it,” Kanan says. 

“What school is it?” I ask.

“Iwatobi?” Mari reads.

That’s a mixed gender school.

“Bzzt bzzzzt! No boys in our pool!” I point to Mari. “Say ‘no’ to that email!” I point to Kanan. “And start taking responsibility! There will be NO shirtless boys around Ruby!”

“What??” Ruby shrieks from the other room.

“What about shirtless boys?” Yoshiko calls. 

“Dia, the boys would be coming to our school to practice, not to come seduce Ruby,” Kanan says.

“What was that about seducing Ruby, zura?” Hanamaru yells. 

“So are you telling me you’re not going to do anything to prevent this situation? This is supposed to be a wake up call for you to step up your game as swim team captain, and instead you just give up and let another swim team claim your territory?” 

Kanan looks down at her knees, not saying anything. She’s a coward. I shouldn’t say it. She probably knows it from her downcast eyes. I don’t want to say it.

I say it. “That just makes you a coward.” 

“I have to make a phone call.” Kanan slips off the countertop and leaves the kitchen. 

Silence brews between Mari and me. I can finally hear snippets of Ruby, Hanamaru and Yoshiko’s conversation. 

“So, shirtless guys, eh?” Yoshiko says. “That’ll be interesting.”

“I don’t like boys, zura,” Hanamaru says.

“Me neither,” says Ruby. “I never even TALKED to a boy. Well, besides my dad.”

“Pretty sure Dia intends to keep it that way,” Yoshiko says.

What’s THAT supposed to mean?

“Did you know,” Mari says, cutting me off from the conversation. “That there’s a knife shop in town?”

I do know that. That’s where I got my throwing knife. “I didn’t.”

“I looked through the window because I was morbidly curious,” She continues, “And some of them have shiny jewels decorating the handle!”

“You want a knife, Mari?” I ask her, smirking.

She gasps. “Oh, NO! I just thought the handles were pretty, that’s all!”

The oven beeps. The sauce is done. 

“Is dinner ready?” Ruby calls from the living room. 

“Not yet baby, I still gotta boil some noodles. Wanna help?”

“No, I’m good,” she says, making Hanamaru and Yoshiko giggle. Ungrateful little bitch.

“I’ll help!” Mari says, sliding off the countertop.

“Oh NOW you’ll help?? Because it’s something easy?”

Mari opens my cupboards and rummages through my pots and pans like she lives here. 

“Where has Kanan been?” I ask.

“She was gonna make a phone call. Nice and shiny!” She pulls out the biggest pot, knocking over others in the process.

“Pretty long phone call…”

“Really? It’s only been about…Well I haven’t been keeping track.” Mari slams the pot on the stove, then takes it off and fills it with water then slams it back into the stove.

“I’m gonna go look for her,” I say.

“Okay!”

I exit the kitchen. Kanan isn’t in the living room, but Ruby and her friends are.

“You think Riko would get mad if I introduced myself to those boys?” Yoshiko asks.

“There will be no boys!” I tell them. They jump and look at me. 

“See, Ruby? It’ll be okay, zura! Dia and I will protect you!” Hanamaru squeezes Ruby’s shoulder.

What does she mean, me and her? I’M protecting Ruby, not anyone else.

“Diaaaa! How do you turn on the stove?” Mari asks. Ruby, Hanamaru and Yoshiko burst into giggles. How is stupidity funny?

“I’m sorry, do you not cook meals for yourself or something? Do you not know how?” My frustration only seems to fuel the three girls’ laughter.

“Ope, never mind! I got it! OWWW!!!” She burned herself.

“Mari! Are you okay?” Kanan yells. She’s in the bathroom.

“I’m okay! Just burnt myself!”

I sneak over to the bathroom door to listen to Kanan’s phone conversation. 

“I don’t know, just...you don’t know them like I do, okay? You don’t know Dia like I do.”

She’s talking about me?

“Ugh I gotta go. I’ve been here for too long, everyone’s gonna think I’m constipated. I’m sorry it ended up this way, just...know that it’s not because I don’t care about you guys.”

Why is she talking to people about me? Why is she having long phone conversations away from everyone else about me?

I stand at the door, waiting for Kanan. I’m waiting there for five minutes.

“Time for dinner, ladies!” Mari sings.

The door swings open. I’m face to face with Kanan. She shrieks. “Ah! Dia! Sorry, constipation!”

I narrow my eyes and walk back to the kitchen.

I can’t sit next to Ruby because she’s sitting in between Hanamaru and Yoshiko, so I’ll have to settle with sitting across from her. At least I can look at her better.

Mari sloppily spoons spaghetti on everyone’s plates. 

“Thank you, Mari!” The three first years chant.

“Don’t forget who made the sauce,” I tell them.

“Thank you Dia and Mari!” They say.

Mari plops down in the seat next to me and immediately begins to slurp up her noodles. So does Hanamaru. Hanamaru has always been a big eater.

“Ruby, remember that scene from Lady and the Tramp?” Yoshiko asks.

“The spaghetti kiss?” Ruby giggles.

Yoshiko lets a noodle hang out of her mouth and looks up at Ruby. “Will you be the lady to my tramp?”

Ruby shrieks and jumps in her chair. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Stop that, zura,” Hanamaru says with her mouth full of spaghetti. 

My blood is boiling. No one talks to my sister like that. 

Mari gently touches my arm. “Yoshiko has a girlfriend,” she whispers. “I see them arm in arm in the hallways all the time, they’re practically inseparable.”

That doesn’t make it any better. You can’t trust people to be faithful.

Kanan finally joins us, sitting on the other side of me and putting food onto her plate. 

Yoshiko leans in close to Ruby, noodle dangling from her lips. She’s teasing her again. 

“Stop it!” She begs, her cheeks pink. 

“Stop that, zura,” Hanamaru says again, more seriously this time.

Yoshiko slurps up the noodle noisily. “Then shall we switch roles? I be the lady, and you the tramp?”

“YOSHIKO!!” Ruby shrieks. 

Just as I’m about to say something, Hanamaru stands up. “That’s it. Ruby, we’re switching seats.”

Ruby stands abruptly and runs behind Hanamaru. They switch seats, and Hanamaru stares firmly at Yoshiko. 

That’s my job. It’s my job to protect Ruby, not Hanamaru’s. 

“Aren’t you Riko’s girlfriend?” Kanan asks.

“That’s correct,” Yoshiko says, her mood perking slightly. “How do you know Riko?”

“I don’t, I know friends of hers…” Kanan let’s her sentence trail off and continues eating.

Yoshiko is dangerous. I can’t have her near Ruby any longer. But if I say something, she’ll only rebel.

“I failed my last math quiz, zura,” Hanamaru sighs, scrolling through her phone.

I think of how Hanamaru stepped up to protect Ruby.

“You failed your test?” I repeated. “Hanamaru, have you not been studying?”

“I have!” She says indignantly. “It’s just trigonometry is really hard, I can’t wrap my head around it!”

“Would you like me to help you study for the next one?” I ask her.

“You really mean it?” Her eyes light up. “You’ll help me?”

“That’s what I just said.”

“The next quiz is on Friday, zura,” she says. “Do you think you can check over my study guide to make sure I did everything right?”

“Sure,” I give Hanamaru a friendly smile.

If Hanamaru were to tell Yoshiko to not hang out with Ruby anymore, not only would it push Yoshiko away, but it would also make Hanamaru look bad. Both girls would be out of my way.

Hanamaru, being done with dinner at this point, runs into the living room. She comes back with a sheet of paper, thrusting it at me. 

I study her handwriting, ingraining it into my brain. Then I look over her math. She got quite a few problems wrong. 

I hand the paper back to her. “Numbers 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, 9, 12, 14, 15 and 17 are wrong.”

“Whoa! You checked it that fast?!” Hanamaru takes her homework back, starstruck. “Were you good at trig, Dia, zura?”

“I’d say so,” I tell her, thinking back to my first year.

“Dia’s good at everything,” Ruby says. My heart warms at my sister’s praise.

“She sure is, zura!”

I want to be the only one she praises. And soon enough I will be.


	12. Yoshiko

I don’t hear my alarm, but I’m feeling really suspiciously rested this morning. I got home from Ruby’s late last night, and passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. I open my eyes slightly and check my phone.

The bus comes in ten minutes.

I don’t have time for a shower. I just have to change out of my pajamas, comb down my bedhead, and put my lunch in my backpack. 

When I open my backpack, I see a neatly folded little white note. I don’t know what it could be, so I take it out and unfold it.

Stop talking to Ruby in that way, is written on the note in pen. There’s no signature.

I hear the bus coming down my street and make a run for it. I barely make it, panting. I find my bus buddy, You, and sit next to her. 

“You okay?” I ask, for she’s staring ahead blankly.

“I’m swim team captain…”

“I’m sorry?” You has been going on and on about how swim team has not been practicing, and the team captain has been lazy. This is something new.

“Kanan gave me a call last night. She said she’s stepping down as captain and handing the position to me. She said I don’t have a choice.”

Kanan was there at Ruby’s house last night too. I thought I heard her mentioning something about swim team. Then she went into the bathroom with her phone. So that’s what that was.

“Did she say why?” I ask.

“She said it’s because she’s worried about Dia and Mari. Specifically Dia. Apparently she’s crazy.”

“Dia?” Is there tea about the three older girls I was I was with last night that I don’t know about?

“Yeah, she wouldn’t tell me any specifics, though.”

I know that Dia is overprotective of Ruby, but other than that, she’s the student council president who has all her shit together. Every first year I know looks up to her. 

You suddenly changes the subject. “Hey, you’re friends with Hanamaru Kunikida, right?”

“I am.”

You opens her backpack and hands a rolled up paper packet to me. “She left her homework at Chika’s house, and I’m supposed to give it to her, but I don’t know where I would find her.”

“Check the library,” I tell her with a smile. 

“No, it would be easier if you just gave it to her. You hang out with her, yeah?”

“Okay.” I take the paper from You and open it up. 

This handwriting…

I dig into my own backpack and take out the disturbing crumpled up paper I found earlier. 

Stop talking to Ruby in that way.

“Stop that, zura.”

“This is Hanamaru’s handwriting,” I say out loud, without meaning to. 

“Hmm?” You asks.

I burst out laughing. I can’t help it. She’s writing me cryptic notes because she’s jealous?? Or maybe it’s a prank?

Only one way to find out.

~~~

Hanamaru has a make up math test during lunch, so my plan failed. However, I asked Ruby if Hanamaru and I could come over again, and she said yes. 

School’s over. Time to put my plan into action.

I meet Hanamaru and Ruby by the doors. This is the first time I’ve seen Hanamaru all day. 

“Zuramaru,” I greet her, pinching her sides.

She squeaks and turns around. “Oh, hello Yoshiko, zura!”

She’s acting like her normal self. 

“How was your test?” I ask her.

“Eh...it was okay. I don’t think I failed, but I don’t think I aced it either. But either way, Dia helped me a lot! I’ll be sure to give her my gratitude tonight!”

I smirk. “Give her your gratitude tonight? Whatever do you mean?”

Hanamaru turns tomato red. “Z-z-zura?? Did y’all think I me- that’s not what I meant, zura! I meant because she checked over my homework and, and-,”

Ruby giggles. 

“Oh sure,” I tell her. “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of Ruby when you’re gone.”

“PIGII!!”

“Zura?!”

I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn to see Riko.

“Hey! Wanna get going?” She asks, bouncing.

I think out loud. “It’s movie night isn’t it.”

Riko’s face falls. “You forgot?”

Shit! What do I do now?

“Do you wanna come to Ruby’s??” I offer, grimacing.

Riko looks down. “Well, I kinda wanted it to be just us, but that’s okay too.”

“Yeah, it can be a-“ I turn to Ruby and Hanamaru. “Double date.”

Hanamaru and Ruby both cover their faces, embarrassed.

“Let’s get going!” Riko says, perking up a little.

Riko and I trail behind Ruby and Hanamaru, letting them walk ahead. I whisper to Riko, “Look what I found in my backpack this morning.”

I show her the note. 

“Stop ta-“ She begins to read.

“SHSHSHSHSH!” I violently slap my hand over her mouth.

“It’s from Hanamaru!” I whisper.

“How do you know?”

I show her Hanamaru’s homework. “The handwriting.”

“Why do you have her homework?”

“Shit! I was supposed to give that back. You gave it to me.”

Riko rolls her eyes.

“Zuramaru!” I run ahead. They got far ahead of us by now, but they didn’t even notice. They’re so into each other that everything else around them must disappear when they’re together. That’s what Riko always says about us. 

Hanamaru turns. “Yeah?”

“I was supposed to give this back.” I hand her the packet.

“I was looking for that, zura! How’d you end up with it?”

“I guess you left it at Chika’s house. Her girlfriend and I ride the bus together, and she gave it to me.”

“Ugh, I KNEW I must have left it there! Chika’s carefreeness always rubs off on me over there, of course I’d leave something of mine there.”

“Hanamaru, you forget stuff all the time,” Ruby points out. “Don’t use Chika as an excuse.”

“Why do you sound like your sister?” Hanamaru pouts. Ruby flinches. 

When we enter Ruby’s house, Dia is already there. She’s reading a book on the couch. She glances up at us without saying anything. 

“Hi Dia, zura!” Hanamaru says, trying to break the tension.

“How was your test?” Dia asks, not looking up from her book.

“It was alright, I don’t think I could have done it without your help!”

I think I see a ghost of a haughty smirk on Dia’s face, but maybe I’m just imagining it.

“If you ever need any help in the future, feel free to come to me,” she says.

Hanamaru beams. 

“What do you guys wanna do?” Ruby asks us. 

“Well,” I take Riko’s hand. “I forgot about movie night, so maybe we can watch a movie?”

“Isn’t that a you two thing?” Ruby asks. 

“We can make it a double date,” I tell her again. She blushes furiously. 

I hear a thump. Dia had dropped her book. She’s trembling and curling in on herself. What’s her deal? Maybe You was right, and Dia really is crazy.

“You ok, Dia?” Hanamaru asks, a look of friendly concern on her face. Ruby looks terrified. 

“Fine!” she says, with a weird, distressed expression on her face. 

Ruby audibly gulps and walks over to the couch. Hanamaru, Riko and I watch her sit next to her sister and gently touch her knee. Dia stops shaking.

“What do you need right now?” Ruby asks. “What would help you?”

Dia says something I can’t hear. Ruby looks slightly disappointed. She whispers back to her. I try to make eye contact with Riko, but she’s looking at Dia. 

“Is it alright with you guys if Dia watches a movie with us?” Ruby asks.

“Of course, zura,” Hanamaru says.

No! I can’t be a wingman with Ruby’s sister breathing down my neck! I’ll think of something.

Ruby takes all of the pillows and beanbags and places them together on the floor in front of the T.V. 

“What kind of movie y’all wanna watch?” Hanamaru asks.

“I call the brown beanbag!” I yell, throwing myself onto the beanbag and curling into a ball.

“You always get the brown beanbag, zura,” Hanamaru pouts. 

“Don’t worry, Zuramaru, there’s room for two,” I tell her. It is a large beanbag. 

“Bzzt! That’s for Ruby and me. Off.” Dia pulls the beanbag out from under me in one swoop.

“But you guys get to sit in that whenever you want!” I tell them.

“Just let her have it,” says Ruby. “You can have the red beanbag.”

“The red beanbag sucks.”

“You could sit on the hardwood floor, zura.” 

“How about me and Zuramaru can sit on Ruby and Dia’s laps? It would be fair.”

“Y’all think Dia would let you sit in her lap?” Hanamaru laughs.

“I never said I would be the one in Dia’s lap,” I say, looking right at Ruby. Her face turns as red as her hair. I look at Hanamaru. She grimaces. Jealous?

“Then where would I sit?” Riko asks indignantly. 

“Red beanbag,” I tell her. “It’s perfect for you cuz it’s stiff and uncomfortable.”

Nobody laughs. Riko looks away, looking like she’s about to cry. 

I approach Riko. “I was joking,” I whisper. “I’m being flirty with Ruby because I’m trying to make Hanamaru jealous,” I whisper even quieter. Hanamaru is going through movies with Ruby, so they can’t hear me. “I’m trying to be a smooth wingman but I’m just over here making an ass of myself. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. Just me overreacting again.”

“Let’s watch Spirited Away, zura!” Hanamaru announces.

“That’s too scary for Ruby,” Dia says.

“No it isn’t!” Ruby says. “I like that movie!”

“I want to watch a rom com,” I tell them.

“Howl’s Moving Castle?” Hanamaru suggests.

“That’s not a rom com.”

“It’s romantic and funny, zura!”

“So is Castle in the Sky,” says Ruby.

“Does it HAVE to be a Ghibli movie?” I ask.

“I guess not...what else do we have?”

“Wanna check Netflix?” I suggest.

“We don’t have it,” Ruby says.

“I can log into mine,” I tell her, grabbing the remote.

“Is that okay, Dia?” Ruby asks. Dia just shrugs.

After finally settling on a movie, I share that stupid red beanbag with Riko out of guilt. I notice Dia makes a point to sit between Ruby and Hanamaru, even though the sisters are already sharing a beanbag. Damn it. 

In the end, I was too distracted by the movie to make any observations on Hanamaru and Ruby. It was a funny movie.

Dia made it clear that she wanted everybody out as soon as the movie was over, so being afraid of another nervous breakdown, we left.

After Hanamaru separated from me and Riko, I checked my backpack. There’s another neatly folded white note.

“Hey. Riri.” I take the note out.

“DON’T call me Riri.” Riko comes closer and takes a look.

“I know what you’re doing-“ She reads out loud.

“Don’t do that. It’s annoying.” I tell her.

I know what you’re doing. It’s not going to work. Ruby is mine. She’ll never love you the way she loves me.

“Damn, Zuramaru! Getting a little possessive there, huh?” I laugh. 

Riko doesn’t say anything.

Whatever game Hanamaru’s playing, it’s a game for two. And it’s a fun one.


	13. Hanamaru

I think Yoshiko is trying to help in her own way, but she’s being really embarrassing about it. It’s time for me to take the initiative myself. I’m going to show Ruby how I feel!

~~~

When I get to the library during lunch, Ruby is already there. She’s reading a magazine, so she doesn’t see me.

I reach out. Shall I touch her shoulder? Pat her head? Would touching her hand be too forward? How do I do this? 

Now I see why we needed Yoshiko.

I settle for lightly touching both of her shoulders. “Boo~” I whisper in her ear.

“PIGII!!!” She jumps in her chair. “You startled me!!”

Oh no...it all went wrong…

“I’m sorry, zura.” I hang my head in shame.

“Hello loveb-” 

I silence Yoshiko with a smack. A little too hard.

“Ow!! The fuck, Zuramaru??”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I try to touch her face, but she flinches. 

“I mean, I’ve heard of possessive but WOW.” She rubs her cheek.

“P-possessive, zura?” What is she talking about?

She narrows her eyes. “I see.”

Ruby attempts to break this sudden tension. “Yoshiko, look!” She shows us a page of the magazine she’s reading. “It’s Nozomi and Hanayo! Both of our favorites!”

It’s a very suggestive picture. I expect Yoshiko to make an equally suggestive comment, but she doesn’t. She glances at me, and says, “Y-yeah…”

“I-I’m sorry...that was weird, wasn’t it?” Ruby goes back to reading, shamefully closing in on herself.

“No no! It wasn’t!” Yoshiko says, nervously glancing between me and Ruby. 

Suddenly, Mari Ohara’s cheerful voice sings on the intercom. “Yoshiko Tsushima, please come to the office! Yoshiko Tsushima, please come to the office!”

Yoshiko turns bright red. Everyone in the library turns and looks at us, snickering. 

“Just my luck,” she mutters, stomping away.

I hesitantly sit down with Ruby. 

“Are we all just...a little out of sync today?” Ruby whispers.

“Maybe, zura.”

Not even two minutes later, Yoshiko is back. 

“What happened, zura?”

“Dia saw some satanic symbols written in the girls bathroom stalls and automatically assumed I did it, Mari apparently didn’t know why Dia wanted to call me into the office so she thought it was a bunch of bullshit and told me to go ahead and leave. Then Dia saw a bunny out in the courtyard, but right as Mari and I went to the window, it ran away. Again, just my luck.” She rummages around in her backpack. “Where’s my math homework?!” She shrieks.

“Yoshiko, I am THIS CLOSE to kicking you out of the library for the rest of the week,” the librarian snaps, making the OK symbol with her fingers.

Yoshiko ignores her, emptying the contents of her backpack onto the floor.

“Do you remember where you had it last, zura?” I ask.

“I had it here! I did it during History!”

The intercom comes on again. Mari chirps, “Hanamaru Kunikida, please come to the office! Hanamaru Kunikida, please come to the office!”

“M-M-ME?!” My face burns. 

“Did you vandalize the bathroom too?” Ruby asks, smirking. 

I run out of the library before anyone can start laughing. Thankfully the office is right across from the library, so I get there in less than a second.

“Y-yes? You needed me, zura?”

Dia, standing in front of the chairwoman’s desk, hands me a stapled packet. “Yoshiko dropped her homework in here, would you please return it to her?” 

“Why couldn’t you call Yoshiko back to the office, zura?” I ask. 

“See, that’s what I said!” Mari gestures to me, looking at Dia.

“I just...thought it would be harsh to call Yoshiko to the office twice in five minutes…” Dia reaches up and scratches her chin.

“You could have come out to the library and given it to her, zura.”

I swear I see tremors in Dia’s hand.

“Didn’t you know? Dia likes to be elusive and reclusive.” Mari waggles her fingers. 

This is so weird. Everyone’s being really off today. 

I just leave.

“Your homework, zura.” I put it on the table. “You can put everything back in your backpack now.”

“Why couldn’t they come out and give it to me themselves?!” Yoshiko yells.

I shrug. 

~~~

I’m going to hold Ruby’s hand when we walk home. I decide during fifth period. I can’t stop thinking about it all sixth period. How soft her hand will feel in mine…

I’ve never held anyone’s hand in that way before. I’ve wanted to for so long, and now I finally will.

But what if she doesn’t want to? 

The bell rings, startling me. I bolt for the front door.

I’m not going to chicken out! I won’t!

“Whoa! You got here before me!”

Ruby… 

“Yoshiko!” She calls.

I turn to see Yoshiko running towards the door without us.

“Yoshiko!” I call her.

She skids to a stop and looks at us hesitantly.

“Where are you going, zura?” I ask.

“Home,” She croaks.

“You’re not walking with us?” I ask.

“Did...did you want me to?” She asks.

“We walk home together every day!”

“Okay. Sorry.” She shuffles towards us, looking extremely nervous. 

“Are you okay?” Ruby asks, touching Yoshiko’s shoulder. 

“Yeah. Fine.”

She’s acting even weirder than she did at lunch. 

I open the door to a dreadful sight. It’s pouring rain. 

“Eek! I didn’t bring an umbrella! Dia’s gonna kill me!” Ruby shrieks.

“I don’t think any of us were expecting this,” I tell her. “Yoshiko, you don’t happen to-“

Fwump! A gigantic black umbrella unfolds before us. 

“I always come prepared,” Yoshiko says with a smile. 

The three of us attempt to squeeze under one umbrella, shuffling forward through the downpour of rain. 

When we get to the parking lot, a white van pulls up next to us, honking twice. The driver rolls down the window. It’s Mari. Kanan is in the front seat with her.

“Honk honk! Who needs a ride home?” she calls.

Yoshiko drops the umbrella and bolts to the van. Ruby shrieks and grabs hold of the umbrella just before it hits the ground. 

“You coming?” Yoshiko calls. She’s already in the van. 

Ruby and I walk, still huddled together under Yoshiko’s umbrella.

“Ruby, sit next to me.” It’s Dia. She’s in the very back row. 

“C-can Hanamaru sit next to me too?” Ruby asks. I don’t hear Dia’s answer.

“Mari! How do you pull the seat forward?” Ruby asks. 

“Oh! Let me do it, it’s tough.” Mari comes out of the car, putting her jacket hood on and zipping it up. She pulls onto something at the bottom of a seat in Yoshiko’s row, and tugs with all her might. After a couple seconds, the seat folds over. 

“It’s the future, zura!” I exclaim. Who knew cars could do that?!

Ruby climbs into the car, and gestures for me to follow her. I guess Dia said yes.

After we’re all in, Mari pulls the seat in front of me right back up! 

Maybe I can hold Ruby’s hand on the drive without Dia noticing. She has her hands neatly folded in her lap. 

“Everybody buckled?” Mari asks. After all of us give the affirmative, she starts the van with a roar. Loud, heavy metal music fills the car, and it vibrates with the bass. I plug my ears. So does Ruby. For some reason, Mari turns up the music louder. 

Then, she starts driving. It’s faster than any car I’ve ever been in. 

After a couple minutes, the car stops with a jerk. The music stops.

I unplug my ears. 

“Chika! You! Need a ride?” Kanan calls.

Chika and You! I haven’t seen them in a while! They were in an after school club with Ruby, Yoshiko and me. It was actually just the five of us. We were the school idol appreciation club. We didn’t do much except listen to music and gush about muse and A-rise. 

There’s an enormous splashing sound, then a “Hold on!” 

After a couple seconds, You opens the door and comes into the car followed by a sopping wet Chika. Ruby and I hide our laughter behind our hands. 

Yoshiko doesn’t. She bursts out laughing. “Forget your umbrella?”

“No, her clumsy ass fell in a puddle,” You says. 

“You like this clumsy ass on your face,” Chika says. 

“Everybody buckled?” Mari asks.

“Can we not listen to your heavy metal music?” Chika whines.

Mari sighs heavily and picks up her phone, scrolling. A small smile appears on her face when she puts it down and starts driving. 

I can barely hear the music. Mari turns the volume up, and as soon as the singer starts, Chika, You and Kanan chime in. Yoshiko does as well.

Suddenly, Mari turns the volume all the way up and screams, “I GOT THE HORSES IN THE BACK-”

“Mari!! Watch out!!” Dia shrieks. There’s honking horns all around us. 

Everyone’s simultaneous screaming voices mesh into gibberish. Chika’s still singing. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ruby covering her ears. 

Before I can regret what I’m doing, I put my arm around Ruby’s shoulder. She stiffens for a second, then leans into me, her hands still over her ears.

“STOP THE CAR!!” Dia screams. 

With a violent jolt, the van stops. There’s a second of silence, broken by Chika.

“Hey, there’s Riko!”

Sure enough, Riko Sakurauchi struggles against the rain next to us on the sidewalk. 

“Should we give her a ride too?” Kanan asks Mari.

“BZZT BZZT!! I don’t want any more people in this car!!” Dia yells.

“She’ll probably fit up front with you,” Mari says, ignoring Dia. Ruby slowly unplugs her ears and looks around. I loosen my arm around her, but she doesn’t move away.

Mari rolls down her window and honks her horn. “Honk honk! Anybody need a ride?” 

Riko approaches the window and says something I can’t hear.

“Or you could just walk home in the rain, that’s okay too,” Yoshiko says.

“Yoshiko? You’re here too?” Riko asks. 

“You can squeeze in with Kanan up front!” Mari says. 

Riko’s moving to the other side of the van. She gets in, sitting halfway on Kanan’s seat.

“Don’t get too cozy with my girlfriend, Matsuura,” Yoshiko blurts. 

“Yeah, or I might get jealous!” Mari sings.

I think I hear Dia mutter something under her breath. 

Mari starts the van again.

“Dia, we’re going to drop you and Ruby off first, sound good?”

“Sounds great. The less time I have to be in a car with you, the better.”

“Oh Dia, that’s what you always say~”

Chika pipes up suddenly. “Question. If you guys were a member of muse, which one would you be?”

Dia scoffs. “Easy. Eli.”

Chika whips around in her seat. “You know muse?!” She shrieks. 

Riko turns. “Why would you ask the question if you thought-Why are you all wet?!”

“I fell in a puddle.”

“I would be Hanayo,” Ruby says.

“What?” Chika asks. Ruby speaks very quietly sometimes. 

“Uh, nothing!” Ruby squeaks, clinging my arm.

“No, I just didn’t hear what you said was all.”

“You know Chika, her stupid ass,” You says.

“Hey!”

“Well...I said…”

“You gotta be louder, Ruby,” I tell her.

“I said if I were a muse member, I would be Hanayo!” Ruby says boldly, as if giving a speech.

“Oh yeah, definitely,” Chika says. “You’re both very shy.”

“And adorable,” says You.

“I would be Rin, zura,” I tell them. 

“Because she and Hanayo are buddies?” You asks. “Ow!” She turns to Yoshiko. “What was that for?”

“What about you, Yoshiko? Probably Nozomi, right? Cuz of her spiritual powers?” Chika wiggles her fingers and makes a funny face.

“I like...Kotori,” Yoshiko says. 

“Me too!” says You. 

“You know what? I don’t think Rin and Hanayo have ever had a duet.” Chika says, pondering.

“That can’t be true!” You says.

“It is,” Dia says. “Rin has had duets with Honoka and Maki but never Hanayo.”

“Kotori and Hanayo did a duet,” You says.

“Yeah, they did two!” Chika says. “We should all go out and do karaoke like we did that one time. You know, me, You, Yoshiko, Hanamaru, and Ruby? I mean the rest of you can come too if you want, but that one time when we went as an idol appreciation club and covered muse songs...that was the best…” 

She doesn’t seem to want to talk about the elephant in the room. Dia cut all non academic after school clubs last month, which included school idol appreciation club, but not calligraphy club. I’ll never know why.

I look over at Dia to see if she seems at all awkward about this. Her facial expression is stone cold and unreadable.

“Ruby, next time we go to karaoke you and I should sing Kokuhaku Biyori desu,” You says. 

Ruby bounces in her seat. “And suki desu ga suki desu ka!” 

Chika gasps. “If you put the titles of their diets together, it goes something like, confession time! I love you, do you love me? What if they’re singing to each other?”

“Kotori and Hanayo??”

“Yeah!”

You ponders. “I could see it. That’d be cute actually! They’re both so pure!”

“Guys, no.” Yoshiko says. “Rin and Hanayo is obviously the superior ship.”

“BZZT BZZZZZZT!!” Dia yells, making Mari swerve the car. “You guys disgust me! Shipping real people?!”

“THANK you,” Riko pipes up from the front seat.

“We were just talking hypothetically, it’s not like we want to make them get together,” You says quietly.

“Meanie,” Chika says, sticking out her bottom lip. “Is that why you cut our club? Because you hate idol shipping? Muse doesn’t mind it, you know. They think it’s funny.”

Dia doesn’t say anything.

The rest of the ride to Dia and Ruby’s house is pretty quiet. I’m kind of relieved when we get there, even if it means Ruby’s leaving. As soon as Dia’s gone we can have fun again. 

I get out of the car to make way for Dia and Ruby. Chika has to get out too, because she was in the folded seat. 

Dia bolts into the house. Ruby turns and gives me a hug goodbye. She doesn’t let go for a while.

“Ok well I’m getting back in the car,” Chika says. “You, come sit in the back with me.” 

I know I’m being a jerk by keeping them waiting, but I don’t want to let Ruby go as long as she doesn’t want to let go of me. She’s so warm.

“Eek!” She jumps back. “Sorry, I don’t...I don’t know what-“

“Ruby! Get in the house before you catch cold!” Dia yells out the window. 

“Coming sis! I-bye! Thanks for the ride Mari!” 

“No problem!”

My heart’s fluttering. I watch Ruby run back to her house and carefully close the door behind her.

“Hanamaru, you coming or not?”

Riko has joined Yoshiko in the middle row. 

“Awww,” Chika says. “Your face is so red, it’s adorable.”

“Need to get me a woman who looks at me the way Hanamaru looks at Ruby,” Mari says dreamily. 

“Can you help me with the seat, please?” I ask her, my face heating up even more.

“Sorry sorry!” 

The rest of the car ride is a blur. All I can think about is the feeling of Ruby’s arms around me. The raindrops staining her crimson hair, her face buried in my sweater. She wouldn’t let go. 

I didn’t want her to.


	14. Dia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has rape/non-con just a heads up

I’m making green tea. Green tea calms me down.

I lean in and stare into the boiling water. Steam clouds my face. 

What if I touched the water? I deserve to burn in hell. That’s what they think.

“Ahaha!”

I whip around. “Who’s there?!” I call. It sounded like Mari. Is Mari in my house? Mari and Kanan want me to burn in hell.

I plunge my hand into the water. Searing pain shoots up my arm.

“There!! That good enough?!” I ask. 

“Ahaha!” Mari laughs.

“Dia!” It’s Ruby. She wants me to burn too. She and her lovers. They all want me to

“Dia!” Ruby runs to me, turning off the stove. She grabs my hands and pulls me into the living room.

I’m pushed onto the sofa. She leaves.

Everyone leaves in the end.

A cold, wet cloth is wrapped around my burnt hand. I feel myself shout. It hurts. It hurts so much.

“Dia, why would you do this to yourself?” Ruby asks.

I look up at her. Her eyes are full of tears. I don’t like seeing my sister cry. I’ll hurt whoever made her cry.

“I just wanted a cup of tea,” I tell her. “Why are you crying?”

She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. “Because I’m scared.”

Scared…

“Is Mari still here?” I ask.

Ruby shakes her head. “Mari was never here, Dia.”

That can’t be right. I heard her laughing.

There’s a loud knock at the door. I stiffen. 

“Don’t make a sound,” I whisper to Ruby. She nods.

After a second, more knocks. They’re louder.

“Dia, I know you’re home. We drove you home.” It’s Kanan. 

Ruby scurries to the door. No!

“I’m sorry, Kanan, now’s really not a good time,” she says.

“Ruby?! What happened?” Kanan tries to force her way into the house, but Ruby shoves her.

“Please. Dia needs space right now.”

I grip fistfuls of my hair, the wet cloth pressing against my head. Why do people pretend to care? 

“No, Ruby! I want to help!”

Mari giggles. She’s there too. Of course she’s there. You can’t have Kanan without Mari. Just when I thought

“GOWAY!!” I scream without knowing what I’m doing.

Silence. Loud blaring silence. 

Ruby gently closes the door.

My fingernails dig into my palms. It hurts. It hurts so much. Water drips onto the floor.

“It’s okay, sis. I’m here.”

Ruby sits next to me, her gentle hand on my thigh. I’m okay. 

But for how long? What if Hanamaru comes? Or Yoshiko, or that You Watanabe? Will Ruby tell them to go away too? Or would she

She would leave me, and go be with them.

Nobody ever really cares.

Ruby takes her hand away. She’s stopped touching me. 

Without thinking, I reach out and grab her wrist. She squeaks. 

Don’t leave me.

I grip her other wrist in my burnt hand and lay her down on the sofa. She squirms and struggles against me.

“Dia, what are you doing?” 

What am I doing? 

Ruby tries to sit up. I let go of her hands and pin her down by her shoulders. She stops struggling and looks up at me with teary eyes. Her lower lip quivers.

She’s mine. She’s not going anywhere. 

“Sis…” A tear rolls down Ruby’s cheek. It lands on the corner of her lips. Her pink, trembling parted lips.

Mine.

I lean down and take what’s mine. I grab fistfuls if Ruby’s hair and capture her perfect little lips in my own. She shrieks into my mouth and pushes against my chest. I’m stronger though. I let go of her hair and run my hands down her back, pulling her closer to me. She can’t push me away anymore.

“Stop,” she pleads against my lips. I kiss her harder, raking my nails down her back. I grip at the elastic of her sweats.

“Dia, please don’t…” she whimpers. In seconds, I slip her pants down around her knees. I run my thumb along her white panties, stroking her vagina through the thin cloth. It’s warm. I want to feel her.

“No...no...no…” she cries as I slip my thumb inside, feeling her slit.

“Nononono…” All of her words blend together until she’s blubbering. I feel something coat my thumb. She’s wet. Her body wants me, but she doesn’t want to admit it.

I pull her panties down, getting a full view of what’s mine. Her tight little pink pussy is almost clean shaven. There’s patches of red stubble here and there, like little rubies, but I can tell she tries to take care of herself. 

I delicately spread her lips apart with both my thumbs, finding her clit. She’s crying. With pleasure?

I bury my face between her thighs and devour her. She yells in what seems like pain. She’s not used to the feeling yet. I spread her legs apart and bury my tongue deeper in her. I pull her thighs closer and lap up everything spilling from her hole. 

This isn’t enough. This will never be enough. I want to be inside of her. I want her to be inside of me. I want to cut myself open and have her crawl into my veins. I want our hearts to beat as one. My own sex throbs thinking about it. The two of us, just the two of us, together forever like this.

I don’t want to stop. I never want to stop. But everything has to stop eventually. After one final kiss, I slip her panties back on. I sit up and gaze upon her. 

Her eyes are squeezed shut. Her face is stained with tears and snot, and her fists are clenched at her sides. She’s overcome with pleasure. 

“I love you, baby,” I tell her, resting my hand on her knee. 

“Can I go to bed?” Ruby asks, her voice cracking.

“Of course. Good night.”

She doesn’t say anything. She just stands up and shuffles out of the room, pulling her pants up as she goes. 

I watch her go, no longer afraid. She belongs to me. She knows that now.


	15. You

I told the rest of swim team about the continuation of swim practice last night. They told me it would be too weird to have the first practice in a while be on a Friday, so I’m waiting until next week to start. Not ideal, but at least we’re getting going again.

The bus stops by Yoshiko’s house, but she’s not at the bus stop. She’s not running from around the corner either. 

Maybe she’s still sleeping. 

I don’t know if it’s my newfound sense of responsibility from being swim team captain, but something makes me get off the bus and head over to Yoshiko’s house. She’s been late for the bus plenty of times, but she’s never missed it.

“YOSHIKO!!” I shout. The window’s open, she should hear me. 

“Time to get up! Time for school! Aye aye, full speed ahead! Let’s go!” 

No response. She must be in a deep sleep. Or maybe already at school, but why wouldn’t she take the bus?

I jiggle the front door knob. To my surprise, it’s unlocked. Should I really just be barging into Yoshiko’s house like this?

Oh well. I open the door and head inside. 

“Yoshiko!” I call. “I’m gonna raid your fridge if you don’t get up!” 

Still no response. Maybe she really is already at school, and I broke in and entered her house for no reason. Why would she go to school earlier than she has to, though? 

She has to be still sleeping. 

I go upstairs. “Yoshiko, I’m gonna come into your room!”

The door is open a crack. There is no way she hasn’t been hearing me yell this whole time. I ignore the yellow caution tape and push the door open.

“Yoshi-”

My insides turn to ice. My legs turn to jello, and I hit the floor. I squeeze my eyes shut, but the image is burned into my mind. Her head cocked to the side at an impossible angle,her face pale and still, her lips parted and white, a thick rope around her neck, her arms hanging limply at her sides, her feet white and dangling a foot above the ground. 

I’m having a nightmare. That’s what this is, a nightmare. I go to pinch myself, but my body won’t move. Wake up!! My voice is gone. 

Vomit spews from my mouth. My throat stings. This feels too real to be a nightmare. But this can’t be real.

I have to do something. I pull out my phone, my hands shaking. Nine, I press. My hands shake so violently I have to work hard to press the right numbers. One. One. 

“Nine one one, what’s your emergency?”

“M-my friend,” I sputter, my voice barely coming out. “Help.”

“It’s okay sweetheart, we have your location, we’re coming to help, okay?”

I can’t say anything. I drop my phone and clutch the carpet. 

They’re coming to help. I feel myself fall into a pool of my own vomit, and I know no more.


	16. Dia

When Ruby was still in her little school idol club, she let it slip that Yoshiko had depression. One of the club meetings had turned into a counseling session because it had been a bad day for her. 

If she was truly ill, this was bound to happen anyway. Note or no note, she still would have done this to herself. So it’s not my fault.

Mari has gathered everyone in the gym for an emergency assembly. Everyone is uneasy, especially the first years. They’re talking amongst themselves, saying mostly “Is it true?”

I spot Hanamaru and Ruby in the crowd huddled together. Ruby’s looking down at the floor. I can’t see her face. 

Mari leans to me and whispers, “Can you help me? I don’t know what to say in...situations like this. I feel like you’d say better words than me.”

“You should at least start us off, as you’re chairwoman,” I tell her. “Say this, as you may have heard, our fellow student, Yoshiko Tsushima, has passed away. Also spit out your gum.”

“But I chew gum when I’m nervous…”

“You can…” I feel bile rise in my throat. “Hold my hand.”

She grabs my hand and swallows. Her palms are warm and sweaty. She holds her other hand up to silence the crowd. They fall silent immediately. 

“A-a-a-as you may have h-heard,” Mari squeaks. She bites her lower lip and buries her face into my shoulder. “I can’t,” she whispers.

Why would they ever elect a student to be chairwoman? Especially an incompetent one?

“As you may have heard,” I tell everyone. They seem to be holding their breath. All of their eyes are on me. “Our fellow student, Yoshiko Tsushima, has passed away.”

The crowd breaks into nervous chatter. Mari clings to my arm. I see Ruby fold herself into Hanamaru’s arms. That should be me.

I hold my hand up. The crowd silences once again.

“We will have a minute of silence, starting now.”

The overhead lights buzz. Mari starts to slowly let go of my arm and stand up straight. Ruby is silently shaking. Hanamaru holds her, looking down at the ground.

After a minute, I say, “Now, if anyone would like to come up and say anything, feel free to do so. If you don’t feel comfortable, we understand.”

Nobody moves for a bit. Then, a small girl shuffles up to the stage and slowly climbs the stairs. She has a slight limp. I hand her the microphone. She speaks.

“Um...I knew Yoshiko from history class...we never really talked...but...I wish I could have talked to her more. I’m really shy, so, I admired her confidence a lot. Um...sorry…” She hands the microphone back to me and runs off the stage.

Someone else comes up the stage as if she's moving on autopilot. She’s wearing mismatching socks and has an asymmetric haircut. She seems like someone Yoshiko would have liked.

“Yoshiko was in my math class. I wanted to be her friend. Now...I can’t. That really sucks.” She walks off the stage. If Mari thought she was bad with words…

A thin girl with a tight blonde ponytail and thin eyeliner hesitantly comes to the stage, looking around. 

“If I had known Yoshiko was going through all this, I wouldn’t have said all of the things I sa-“

“Oh shut the fuck up, Himiko!” Someone yells from the back. The first years start hissing and shouting. A shoe is thrown. 

“QUIET!!” I shout. Almost all of the students quiet down.

“You’re probably the reason she did it!” Someone yells. 

The girl grips the microphone, her knuckles white. I take it from her.

“How’s it feel Himiko?” another girl yells. “Knowing someone committed suicide cuz of you??” 

“Bitch!” Someone else hisses.

“That’s enough!!” I shout. Feedback shrieks through the gym. “You’re dismissed,” I tell the girl on stage. She runs off the stage and out of the room.

Someone else boldly moves from the crowd and marches up the stage. It’s Chika Takami. She takes the microphone from me.

“Nice performative ‘woke-ism’ you got there guys, yelling at the bullies!” She snaps at everyone.

Woke-ism?

“I bet you all feel really good about yourselves, huh?” 

The students look at each other, indignant.

“Well, let me ask you guys this. How many of you guys saw people bullying Yoshiko and actually stood up for her?”

There’s a loud silence as no one puts up their hands. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

No one says anything.

Chika continues. “We shouldn’t be waiting to change our behavior until it’s too late. My best friend lost her partner today. My partner? Saw a dead body. No one should have to go through that.”

“Are you saying it’s our fault??” Someone yells. “Cuz it’s not!”

“No!” Chika says. “I’m saying our behavior has more of an impact than we think-“

“So you ARE saying it’s our fault!” The crowd starts buzzing. Kanan bolts to the stage immediately and pulls herself up, not bothering to use the stairs.

“Kanan!” Chika says, startled. Kanan takes the microphone. 

“What Chika is trying to say,” Kanan begins, not bothering to silence the students. Some of the noise dies down, but there’s some angry murmuring among the first years.

Kanan continues. “Is that there are ways to prevent a situation like this from happening again. And it starts today. It starts now. Check in on your friends, make sure they’re doing okay. If you see unjust behavior, call it out. It’s too late to save Yoshiko. But it’s not too late to save someone else.”

The students look at each other, talking amongst themselves. It’s no longer hostile. 

A hand shoots up. It’s the second girl who spoke about Yoshiko on stage.

I hold out my hand to Kanan, and receive the microphone. “We have a question!” I announce, and point to the girl.

She speaks loud and clear. “What are we going to do as a school to honor Yoshiko’s memory?”

Mari and I look at each other. 

I clear my throat and say, “We’re going to have a memorial. By the front door. Any pictures of Yoshiko you have, submit them to us, you’re welcome to put flowers as well. Whatever you guys want to put there, feel welcome to.”

The students murmur amongst themselves again.

“In addition, if you need to talk to someone, Mari and I, as well as the guidance counselor, are always available.” 

I pause, wondering if there is anything else to say. 

“Any questions?” Mari offers. No one does anything.

“You’re all dismissed,” I announce. 

The students slowly file towards the door. Mari takes a shaky breath.

It really is unfortunate that it had to happen this way. But at least now, Yoshiko is out of the way. One less person to take Ruby away from me.

Wait until they see the notes. Hanamaru is doomed.


	17. Ruby

One day at school idol appreciation club, Yoshiko wasn’t acting like herself. She was withdrawn and quiet, and as much as we tried to talk to her, she wouldn’t tell us what was wrong. Then, in the middle of a muse video, Yoshiko suddenly burst into tears. She told us about her lifetime struggle with depression, and how some days it’s easier to manage than others. She told us that some days she just feels like dying. We told her to always come to us if she feels this way. She said she would.

She said she would come to us. Why didn’t she?

I noticed something off with her yesterday. Hanamaru did too. We should have done something. But what? We asked her if she was okay, and she said she was. Obviously she was lying. And then we were with everyone in Mari’s car, and I was only thinking of Hanamaru next to me. Holding me, holding my hand. I felt so warm and happy. I forgot about Yoshiko. And now here we are.

I need to talk to Hanamaru. I didn’t get to walk home with her today. Dia was waiting outside my classroom at the end of the day, and whisked me away immediately. She held my hand. She told me that if I needed her she would be there. She loves me. Dia loves me.

I really hope Mom and Dad come home this weekend. 

“Dia, if it’s okay with you, I’m gonna go in my room and call Hanamaru,” I tell Dia when we get home. 

“Why not talk to me?” she asks. 

“Well...I just feel like since Hanamaru and I were both good friends with Yoshiko it would be good for us to talk.”

“You can talk to me about your feelings,” Dia says. 

“Yeah but…” I really want to talk to Hanamaru, but I don’t want to make Dia angry. “Okay.”

“What did you want to talk about?” She sits on the couch. I feel like throwing up looking at that couch. I don’t want to sit on it.

“Well…” I sit on the coffee table. “Remember how I told you about that club meeting where Yoshiko told us all she has depression and we said to come talk to us if she feels that way?”

“I do.”

“She was acting like that yesterday after lunch. I asked her what was wrong, and she wouldn’t tell me.”

“She lied to you,” Dia says.

“I don’t know what I did wrong,” I tell her. “Hanamaru and I asked her if she was okay, she said yes. What am I supposed to do if one of my other friends acts like that? I’m really worried about Riko. She was dating Yoshiko after all.” Tears well up in my eyes. “And, just yesterday, she was sitting with us at lunch and now, she’s gone. She’s gone gone. I will never ever see Yoshiko again.” The tears start to fall. “And what if it happens to you? Or Hanamaru? What if I lose someone else I love and I won’t even know it until it happens?”

“I would never kill myself, Ruby,” Dia says. “I could never leave you like that.”

“Are you sure?” I rub my eyes.

Dia stands up and holds out her arms. “Come here, baby.”

I stand up and crumple myself into her arms. She rubs my back, whispering something I can’t hear. The smell of her perfume hits my nose, and my stomach twists. My whole body screams at me to push Dia away, to run away. Something inside of me snaps, and with all my strength, I tear myself away from her.

“What’s wrong?” She asks, looking hurt. I feel guilty. Why did I push her away? 

“I…I need space.” No. I’m talking without thinking.

Dia furrows her eyebrows. “What does that mean?”

I want to take it back, but I can’t. “One of my best friends killed herself this morning. I’m still processing it. I need to be alone right now. I’m sorry.” I turn to go to my room, but my wrist is grabbed. 

“You don’t need space,” Dia aggressively pulls me towards her, holding me against her chest. “From your sister.” 

She rests her hands on my hips. 

No. 

No. 

No please no not again. 

I try to move to push her off but I’m paralyzed. She slides her hands down my skirt.

This isn’t real. 

I’m just having a nightmare. 

Yoshiko is still alive, and Dia isn’t touching me. 

I’m floating, looking down at myself from above. I’m watching myself be stripped down by my own sister. I’m not moving. Why aren’t I moving? Dia grips the insides of my thighs and glides her hands up. She dips her head down and whispers something into my ear. A loud hissing echoes all around me. I squeeze my eyes shut, and the last thing I feel is a smack.

\---

I wake up in bed in my pajamas. I’m being held tight from behind by who I’m assuming is Dia. I rip myself away from her and grab my phone off the nightstand.

Hanamaru says, “If you need to talk about Yoshiko, I’m here for you.”

It wasn’t just a nightmare. Yoshiko is dead, and Dia did it again. I get off the bed and stand up. 

I feel like I’ve been soiled. I think about Dia’s hands on my body and I want to tear myself apart. I have to get out of here. 

I’m going to see Hanamaru. 

I run to my closet to get clothes and grab the first shirt I can find.

“And where are you running off to?” Dia’s awake. 

“Away from here,” I say with my back to her, grabbing a pair of jeans. I hear her get up and walk, but it sounds like she’s leaving my room.

I hurt her feelings. I pushed her away. I feel guilt like a stab in the chest.

The door to my room is slammed. Whatever. At least now I can change in privacy.

When I take my pajamas off, my stomach twists and my heart pounds. I remember last night. And the night before that. I sloppily get dressed as fast as possible. I need to get out of here.

I run to my door and pull on the doorknob. It’s locked. 

She locked me in.

I push and pull on the doorknob to no avail. I pound my fists on the door. “LET ME OUT, DIA!! LET ME OUT!!”

There’s no response.

I go to call Hanamaru, but I don’t see my phone on the nightstand where it was. Dia must have taken it. The window is small, too small for me to fit through.

I’m a prisoner in my own home.

“Daddy...help…”


	18. Riko

“Good morning, honey.”

…

“I brought you breakfast.”

…

“Hard boiled eggs, your favorite.”

…

“Didn’t eat any of your dinner last night, huh?”

…

“Your phones almost dead. You have a lot of missed calls from Chika and You. It might help you to talk to your friends.”

…

“Why don’t you eat some food? Or at least drink some water. You’re probably dehydrated. I know you’re sad, but you have to take care of yourself.”

…

“Okay, Riko. This isn’t good for you. I’m not leaving until you drink some water.”

…

“Please?”

...

I lift my head for the first time in a while. I’ve had my face buried into my knees for how long has it been? Time isn’t real. It doesn’t matter anymore.

The light from the window burns my eyes. I squint, and the dried tears and snot caked on my face cracks. I see the plate of eggs my mom has brought me, and my stomach turns.

I take the glass of water and sip. I had no idea how dry my mouth was. The cool water running down my throat is the first good feeling I’ve had in a long time. The glass is empty too soon.

“You gonna try to eat something?” My mom asks. I shake my head.

“Do you want to talk or do you need space?”

“Need space.”

My mom lingers in the doorway for a bit, then leaves. I’m alone again.

I turn on my phone. I swipe away the notifications of twelve missed calls and stare at my wallpaper. Yoshiko took a selfie of us on her bed from above. I remember she dropped the phone on her face the moment after this picture was taken, and she squawked like a chicken. I remember my arms wrapped around her, my face buried into her neck. It was the first time I told her I loved her.

What I wouldn’t give to be with her one last time. Just one moment.

Before I really know what I’m doing, I stand up and walk. I’m still in my school uniform from Friday, and I haven’t showered or brushed my teeth or anything. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going and I won’t stop.

“Riko! Where are you go-“ I’m out the door before my mom can finish.

I speed walk, almost run to Yoshiko’s house. When I finally stop, the pang in my chest almost knocks me to my knees. I proceed anyway.

Yoshiko’s mom is staying in a hotel. It’s too painful for her to be in her house, she’d said to my mom. I will be alone here.

I try the doorknob. It’s unlocked. Yoshiko and her mom always forget to lock the front door. It’s a bit of a safety hazard. They’re very lucky no one has ever broken in.

When the smell of Yoshiko’s house hits my nose, my chest hurts so bad it’s hard to breathe. I trudge up the stairs, trying not to look at the framed pictures of baby Yoshiko hanging along the wall. I make my way to her room, keeping my head down.

At first I just stand in the doorway, taking in what used to be a place of comfort. The dark purple walls, her black angel wings and halo hanging neatly on the wall, her other clothes strewn about the floor, a dead candle and stack of little papers on her nightstand, her unmade bed.

I step in, trying to feel Yoshiko’s presence. I pick up one of her black blouses off the floor and bury my face into it. It smells like her. Her deodorant, her perfume.

She’s gone. I thought by coming here, I would feel her here with me, but she’s more gone than ever. This isn’t her shirt, this isn’t her room without her.

I drop the shirt. I should go home. It will only hurt me to be here.

What are these notes? Did she leave a suicide note? Should I even look?

I pick up the little slips of paper. The top one says, _Stop talking to Ruby in that way._

These are the weird notes from Hanamaru.

I flip to the next one. _I know what you’re doing. It’s not going to work. Ruby will never love you the way she loves me._  

This was on movie night with Ruby and Hanamaru. These were supposed to be a joke.

Right?

I turn to the next one. _I told you to stay away, and you didn’t. I’ll give you one more chance. This is your last warning. If you continue to prey on my Ruby, you will regret it._

“What the _fuck?!_ ” This is going too far to be just a joke. I thought Hanamaru was a nice girl. I thought she was Yoshiko’s friend.

There’s one more note. With shaking hands, I drop all the others and read it. I wish I hadn’t.

_You have angered me for the last time. You would be better off dead. I know you want to do it you pathetic depressed piece of shit. Do it. Slit your wrists, hang yourself, drown yourself, do some sick combination of all of them, I don’t care how. Ruby and I will be happy. Riko will find a prettier girl to date. You will never hurt again._

I crumple the paper in my hands. I grab the nightstand and throw it, knocking it into the closet. I don’t hear the crash over my screams.

She killed her. Hanamaru murdered Yoshiko.

I take the rest of the notes and leave. I know what I need to do.


	19. Hanamaru

I knew Yoshiko even longer than I knew Ruby. She was in my kindergarten class.  I remember playing with her at recess sometimes, and she would jump off the playground screaming, “YOHANE DESCENDS!!” I always felt comfortable with her, because her big, charismatic personality went hand in hand with my shy, awkward personality. 

 

We didn’t hang out much in middle school, but having her back in high school was perfect.  I always loved Ruby because we’re so similar, but Yoshiko and I were like yin and yang. We bonded _because_ we were different.

 

Now that she’s gone, I feel like a huge chunk of me has been ripped away.  I know Ruby probably feels a little differently, because she didn’t know Yoshiko when they were kids. 

 

I haven’t talked to Ruby all weekend. God, I really hope she’s okay. 

 

Chika and You were so sweet. Chika let me sleep over at her house this weekend and she even drove me and You to school this morning. We tried to invite Ruby and Riko but neither of them would answer the phone.

 

The first year corridor is still filled with solemn whispering. A lot of people I don’t know very well offer hugs, which surprises me. I didn’t think people knew who I was. 

 

I scan the hallways, looking for Ruby.  I didn’t expect to see a different redhead bull charge towards me from behind. 

 

“Riko!” I begin to greet her, but as she gets closer, I see pure rage in her face. She throws her backpack aside but keeps her intense gaze on me. Some people stop in their tracks.

 

I back up, but she’s faster.  She grips my shoulders and slams me into the lockers.  Past her head, I see multiple people stop and stare at us.

 

Riko’s eyes water.  “I know what you did, Kunikida,” she growls through closed teeth.

 

“Huh??”

 

Riko digs her nails into my shoulders, yanks me forward like a ragdoll and slams me into the lockers again, harder this time.  My head throbs. I feel a little dizzy. Why is she doing this?

 

“You think I’m stupid?!” she shrieks.  “You think I wouldn’t find out?!”

 

“Find out what?” I don’t know what else to say.

 

“Your little notes?! About Ruby?! I found them! Was it worth it?! Huh?!”

 

Riko takes one hand off my shoulder and grips me around my jawline, digging her fingernails into my skin and forcing me to look her in the eyes.  “You not gonna say anything to me?!”

 

Notes about Ruby?  I wince from her sharp nails.  Tears streak down her face.

 

“You gonna say something to the police when I tell them you’re a suicide baiting fucking murderer?”

 

“Suicide baiting? Just what the _hell_ are you on about?” I grab her wrist and try to pull her off of me.  

 

This is about Yoshiko.  Riko is accusing me of something awful.  

 

I kick her in the shin.  “You think I would do something like that?!”

 

Riko grabs me by the hair.  Searing pain shoots through my head.  I grab fistfuls of her hair and pull with all my might.  All I think, all I know right now is that I want to hurt her.  I don’t care if people are watching. She thinks I would tell my oldest friend to kill herself.  She thinks this is my fault.  

 

“Riko!! What are you doing?!” Then, she’s being pulled away from me, and I’m being pulled away from her.  Riko struggles against Chika, flailing her arms in the air.  

 

You turns me around to face her.  “Are you hurt?” she asks, then cringes.  Apparently I am.

 

“CLEAR OUT!!” Dia screams through a megaphone.  Feedback shrieks through the hallway. It’s silent.  

 

“Dia!” Riko shrieks.  “Dia, I need to talk to you!”

 

“You can talk to me and Mari in the office!” Dia looks at me. “Both of you!”

 

~~~

 

“A fight?!” Mari gasps. 

 

“She started it, zura!” I tell her, pointing at Riko.  “I didn’t do anything!”

 

“She’s wrong,” Riko says.  “Take a look at these.” She takes some crumpled up papers out of her pocket and slams them onto Mari’s desk.  Mari picks them up and reads. Dia reads over her shoulder. Mari slowly shakes her head as she flips through them.

 

“Oh my God…” she whispers.  Dia remains expressionless. 

 

“Who would write something like this?” Mari asks Dia.

 

“It was Hanamaru,” Riko says. 

 

“What do they say?!” I ask.  

 

“I have proof,” Riko continues.  “Check any of Hanamaru’s homework.  It’s her handwriting.”

 

I scoff.  “Y’all think because somebody wrote in cursive it’s automatically me?! That’s such a baseless accusation, zura.”

 

“Hanamaru,” Dia says.  “I need you to write something on this slip of paper for me.” She hands me a post it note.

 

“Dia, you don’t believe her, do you?!” I ask, incredulous. 

 

“One of these notes contained suicide baiting, which is illegal. I don’t want to suspect you, but we need to get to the bottom of this.”

 

I have to prove I didn’t do whatever they think I did, so I write on the post it note and hand it to Dia.  She looks at both the post it and the papers Riko gave her, and hand them both to Mari, saying, “It’s identical.”

 

Mari takes the papers and looks over them.  “I don’t know, Dia…”

 

“The proof is right in front of you, Mari!” Dia snaps.

 

“Yeah! Call the police right now!” Riko says.

 

“But I didn’t do anything, zura!” I cry.  “I don’t know anything about those papers!”

 

“You know,” Mari says.  “Someone could have forged her handwriting.”

 

Dia ponders for a minute. Then she says, “It’s a possibility.”

 

Who would do something like that?

 

“What do the notes say?” I ask.

 

Dia and Mari look at each other.  

 

“If someone is pretending to be me, I have a right to know what they’re writing.”

 

“Yeah,” Riko says to my surprise. “She does.”

 

There’s a hesitation before Mari hands the papers to me.  I read them and almost throw up.

 

“Whoever this person is, zura, they’re sick in the head.” I want to rip these papers to pieces, but I know we need them for evidence. I don’t want to hold them anymore, so I throw them back onto Mari’s desk. “I’m going to find them, and I’m going to make sure they never ever see Ruby again.”

 

Dia suddenly starts coughing violently, like she’s hacking up something.

 

“Dia!” Mari stands up. “Are you okay?!”

 

I look at Riko. She looks at me.

 

Once Dia has stopped coughing, she says, “I apologize. I choked on my own spit.”

 

None of us say anything. Mari looks like she’s going to cry. 

 

“I know you are grieving, Hanamaru,” Dia says. “But you shouldn’t do anything rash.”

 

“Dia!” I stand up. “This dangerous person-this  _ murderer _ is obsessed with Ruby and doing vile, horrible things because of their fucking obsession with Ruby and you don’t even care, zura! Do you realize that Ruby could be in great danger?”

 

Dia slams her hands on the desk. Mari turns her head to the side and makes a fist over her mouth. 

 

“You think I don’t care about all of this?” She hisses. “You think I’m not terrified that one of our students killed herself because of someone’s twisted love for my sister?”

 

“I'm sorry-"

 

“I’m the student council president. I have to put on a brave face for all of you so that everyone else can. Don’t you _dare_ tell me I don’t care.”

 

I say nothing. 

 

The bell rings, making Riko and me jump.

 

“If you don’t want to miss any more class,” Dia says. “I suggest you leave.”

 

“You’re not gonna give them detention or anything??” Mari asks.

 

“I don’t have the authority to give them detention, idiot! That’s  _ your  _ job!”

 

“Alright alright! Riko, Hanamaru, you two will stay after school today and clean my office.”

 

I look around. This will be a big job.

 

“You are dismissed!” Mari sniffles.  “Remember, after school!”

 

Mari waves us off. She’s acting like she’s perked up, but her eyes are red. Dia says nothing. 

 

“Poor Dia and Mari, zura,” I say to Riko as we leave. “Now they have something else to worry about. I mean, we all do, zura. But at least the chairwoman and student council president know about it now, so there’s-“

 

“I suspect Dia,” Riko says, interrupting me.

 

“I-I’m sorry, zura?” 

 

“I think Dia wrote those notes, and I think she forged your handwriting to frame you for Yoshiko’s suicide. She didn’t show any emotion when she read those notes. None at all. And this is about her sister.”

 

Riko’s mind must be all over the place. She doesn’t know Dia. Is she just ready to accuse anyone? 

 

She  _ was  _ Yoshiko’s girlfriend. This must be hitting her harder than anyone else. 

 

“I’ve been best friends with Ruby since elementary school,” I tell Riko. “So I’ve known Dia for a long time. She has a different way of coping with stress, zura.”

 

“Not during movie night, she didn’t,” Riko says. “Remember?”

 

I remember. When she curled up into a ball and started shaking. “Well, most of the time, zura. When I was little, I accidentally colored in Dia’s library book, and when she found out, she just sort of went blank. Like she did in the office.”

 

“How do you ‘accidentally’ color in a library book?” Riko asks.

 

“I didn’t know it was a library book, zura.”

 

“So you colored in the book on purpose, but-“

 

“Whatever, zura, my point was that Dia just acts like that. I don’t think being emotionally distant when you’re stressed is the same as writing notes to someone telling them to kill themselves.”

 

Riko fishes in her bag, then pulls out the papers from before. 

 

“How did you get those, zura? I thought I gave those to Mari!”

 

Riko hands them to me. “I took them off the desk when Dia started coughing. Show these to Ruby during your guys’s lunch.”

 

“I don’t think Ruby should see these, zura…”

 

“I think Ruby has a right to know if someone is stalking her,” Riko says. 

 

She’s right. But the thought of sweet Ruby reading that violent note makes me shudder. 

 

“Okay.” I shove the cursed papers into my bag. “I’ll see you after school, zura.”

 

“Right. See ya.”

 

~~~

 

Ruby is at our usual table in the library. She’s staring blankly at her closed lunchbox. 

 

I gulp, then walk in and sit across from her. We both look at each other, then at the chair on the other side, where Yoshiko always sat.

 

“What happened to your face?” Ruby asks, touching her chin.

 

Apparently when Riko scratched me, it left a couple marks. I don’t want to stress Ruby out, but I don’t want to lie to her either. 

 

“I don’t know if you heard, but Riko and I sort of...got in a fight this morning.”

 

“I heard people talking about it. Is that why you weren’t in first period?”

 

“Yeah, we had to talk to Dia and Mari.”

 

Ruby stands up, reaches across the table and brushes my chin with her fingers, looking at me with worry.  “She scratched your face?”

 

My cheeks feel like they’re on fire.  “Z-zura,” is all I can say.

 

She stands there with my face cupped in her hand for a couple more seconds, then jumps back shrieking, “Sorry!”

 

“That’s okay…”

 

Neither of us say anything for a while.  Ruby continues to stare at her lunchbox. I don’t want to eat if she’s not eating, so I fold my hands in my lap.  I’m dreading what I have to do, but I know I have to do it.  

 

“H-how was your weekend, zura?” I ask.

 

Ruby suddenly curls in on herself.  She hugs her knees tightly against her chest.  

 

“Ruby?? Are you okay?” I run to her side.

 

“I’m sorry,” she croaks.  I can barely hear her.  

 

She’s taking this harder than I thought.  I feel terrible for not trying harder to reach out this weekend.  I’m a shit friend, and I need to step up my game. So I’m not showing her those damn letters.  


End file.
